Thank you, Bob
Copyright© September 2016 by Mario Zullo
All rights reserved
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
For a free copy of this book or if you have any questions or comments: email@example.com
Printed in the United States of America
First Printing: September 2016
- The reason for writing this book
- What is deception?
- The art of deception
- I considered myself to be a master manipulator
- I always thought that what I was doing was the right thing to do
- Each time I cared less and less
- The key that opens the door
- I was not a gigolo
- I know more than most people do
- I almost got into some trouble one time
- Truth and lies, right and wrong
- I am not tall, dark and handsome
- Living in darkness is much better than living in the light
- I would rather act like a snake than a lion
- Men don’t have control over women, it is the other way around
- How I got what I wanted without asking for it?
- I helped some women get rid of their dead weight
- I have come to help you
- I am God
- Why not have a normal relationship like others have?
- Some have wrongly accused me of being a ruthless person
- Never apologize or say that you are sorry
- Never look back
- A couple of times I was accused of being an evil person
- I am good at twisting the facts
- How long did most of my relationships last?
- The way they treated me showed how little they loved their husbands
- Never go back and try to fix something
- I have never been photographed with whom I am having a relationship with
- I can make best friends become worst enemies
- Children are a pain in the butt
- Since I don’t bring anything into a relationship, I leave with nothing
- My specialty is to separate not unite
- I would always tell my victims that it was not their fault
- I don’t want to know the truth because I know what is true
- I don’t have a narcissistic personality
- I come in when the fruit is ripe for the picking
- I am a parachuter
- I act like a lost animal that needs tender loving care
- Having feelings for another person is the worst thing that could happen to me
- I have been accused of just being a freeloader
- Don’t bother me, I am doing my thing
- I love to plant seeds of hate not love
- I am living in my own world
- I did not go to school to learn this
- “No” is the word that I never want to hear
- I think that I was the cause of a couple of men ending their lives
- I was never interested in finding a job that would provide me with my necessities because I knew that my ship was going to arrive
- I made it easier for widows to get over quicker the mourning of their deceased husbands
- I am such a good liar
- I show some of who I really am when I lose control
- I learned the most when I met my match
- THE REASON FOR WRITING THIS BOOK
A person that I have known for a couple of years has decided to come clean about what he has done in his life and since he knows that I have a blog that states simpler truths, he wants me to write some of the things that he has done in his life. He trusts me to write these things that he has kept secret for all of these years and that I won’t judge him for his actions. Some stories are written in first person because they have been told to me this way. I have decided to post this book on www.simplertruths.com under “About the book: Deceivers among us” and also hand out this book for free to those that care to have something to carry around with them. By sharing these stories with others, they might help some not fall prey to what these men and women are doing to other people which is not in most cases against the law of the land, but certainly is breaking a higher law.
While writing down these stories, I could feel a pervasive darkness the messages emitted. When I had finally compiled the manuscript and handed it to somebody, I warned them that it was full of darkness. The story, while filled with very deep dark thoughts, would reveal truth. Truth sets you free and brings about clarity of mind and light. While truth would be exposed, the stories would uncover the darkness that some people spread. If you ever wonder if there truly could exist a person so egotistic and full of evil, the only thing that I can say is yes—there does exist such a person or persons.
We are living in a world that sometimes makes us spin in circles and we get so dizzy that we don’t know what is what. We probably have met people that seem so innocent because they maybe don’t talk much and are timid and shy, and just stay out of sight or stand in a corner, and we feel that they are as harmless as a puppy. We don’t know what they are thinking or what they are planning, or maybe really how they are feeling. Maybe they feel that they are being left out of the action and they just want to be noticed, but since they don’t know anyone there they kind of just stay on the sidelines until someone gives them the okay to mingle with others. Maybe they don’t realize that they are using the oldest trick in the book called deception.
Now one might think that this is not true, but in reality since we don’t know what their true motives are, then we sometimes let our guards down which is what they were looking for us to do since the beginning. Not all people that are timid or shy or just stand in the corner are just there to deceive others. I have had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting a couple of them that are using this sort of strategy to plan their next move. They just might be checking out someone to see if they maybe have had just a little too much to drink and they will wait until the right moment for them to make their next move. They might just be looking for the ones that are vulnerable because maybe something drastic has happened to them in their lives, and they might seem kind of lost and confused, so they will approach them as maybe just wanting to become their friend and listen to what they have to say. Maybe they really don’t care about what this person is going through but, they are there for a purpose and they only care about one thing: Themselves and their objectives. It seems that lately in this world there seems to have popped up a lot of these types of people and any information that is provided in these stories may help some people be on the lookout for them.
Regardless of how well informed you are, they are always changing their tactics so that they can remain undetected until they find the right time to make their move and they don’t care how many corpses are left behind, because they have accomplished their objective. Most of the time what they have done is not against the law of the land, but for sure it is against a higher law, but since most of them don’t believe in a higher power than themselves then they don’t have to worry about receiving some sort of punishment for the things that they have done. It is every man to himself type of philosophy and they feel justified in thinking that if they didn’t do this, then somebody else would have come along and taken their spot. Each has their own strategy and there is not an instruction manual that can teach someone how to do this. Some do think that since they are smarter than your average Joe Blow that they deserve to receive these rewards because it took a lot of time to plan this. Their scheme wasn’t just put together during a short time period but they had the patience to wait for years until they felt it was time to go all out and show their true faces.
Hopefully, these articles and stories will shed some light to this growing problem.
- WHAT IS DECEPTION?
There are several definitions that I have been able to find: The action of deceiving someone, the use of deceit, a trick or scheme used to get what you want, causing someone to believe something that is not true, typically in order to gain some personal advantage, to lie or to persuade someone that something false is truth, or to keep the truth hidden from someone for your own advantage. I think that with all of these definitions this article could pretty much end this way. Short and sweet. Can someone that is telling the truth be deceiving people? Could someone that is lying to others not be accused of using deception?
Let’s take an example of a pastor that is telling the truth by reading scriptures every weekend, but he is only doing this so that people will look up to him and this way he is assured that they will pay his salary. Wouldn’t this be considered a form of deception? Now let’s look at another example of someone that is lying to protect someone else from being killed, just like Abraham lied about Sarah, so he would not be killed and neither would she, is this considered deception? Here we can see that when one is telling the truth they can also deceive, and when one is lying they are not doing this to deceive someone.
I think that the most important aspect of deception is the reason why somebody is not telling the truth. I like the definition of lying or persuading someone that something false is truth, or to keep the truth hidden from someone for your own advantage. Why is it so important to know all of these things? Because sometimes we judge others by their actions or words, and don’t have the slightest idea why they have done these things.
This is the reason why we are told to not judge or by the measure of how we judge others, we will be judged. The master of deception is Satan. He can make something look good when in reality it is not, and likewise he can do the opposite. He can persuade someone to think that no one will find out the truth, but in reality this is the first lie that he persuades you to believe in. Nowadays we are surrounded by all sorts of deception: From our leaders to our children, to our friends, and even relatives because it can come from all directions. The ones that we trusted the most can be the ones that are deceiving us the most. The ones that we thought were our friends, we can come to discover that they in reality were our worst enemies.
Even this article can become a deception, if one realizes that it was written for the wrong purpose. If by persuading you that what I am about to write are true but in reality they are not, then I could be deceiving those that decide to read them. By writing them and letting you being the judge then there is no way that I could be deceiving you. By letting you make your own choices, and letting you do whatever you feel like doing, then I have accomplished my task and leave it up to someone else to do His part.
The most important thing of any act is the intent of why it is being done. The worst form of deception is when one hides behind the name of God thinking that this is your pass for others to believe every word that comes out of your mouth, or every word that has been written down.
- THE ART OF DECEPTION
The definition of this phrase is: gaining someone’s trust by lying to them and then abusing that trust for fun or profit. Fun could just mean that the person deceiving someone else could just do it, so that they can see how far they can go with their lies. They say that people love to take advantage of the older generation because in those days it was very important to carry on a legacy; but nowadays some only care about their own legacy and don’t care about how many people they need to take down with them. They do it for fun simply to feel good about themselves and don’t care what they have ruined, or how many people they have hurt in the process. Their enjoyment is to see people fight with each other and the least they are concerned about is to have people get along with each other. They can destroy families, marriages, relationships, and anything else that represents people having some sort of connection and respect for each other. When they look in the mirror they only see themselves and the rest of the world doesn’t exist. They will give whatever excuse the can come up with to justify their actions.
The ones that do this for profit can be detected much easier because they will promise something that they know they can’t deliver. They will say whatever it takes so that one can put their signature on a check and guarantee them that what they have just said is true. They will use whatever means they have available to them, so that they can fill their pockets, even if they have to empty yours. This is called an art because just like everybody can’t be a singer, musician, painter, athlete, or anything else that requires some natural ability; the ones that use deception is something that most of them have this natural ability. They are not born with it, but they acquire it and enjoy it quite well.
First thing they must learn to do is not care about who they hurt and what damage they can cause to others. The next step is to care about just one person, and that is themselves. They can be able to see the damage that they have caused and not blink an eye or feel one bit of remorse. They are almost like the cold blooded murderers that will kill anyone they are contracted to kill, and not shed one tear of repentance for taking someone else’s life. It is an art because it will take some practice for one to become an expert at this. They might start small in the beginning but as they feel more and more confident, then the sky is the limit. They will never be satisfied with doing harm to a certain quantity of people, and that will be enough, but they will always look for their next victim.
Most of the time it is very difficult to have them confess to what they have done because they love to put on this face of being innocent or ignorant, and trying to show that they could not be capable of doing this terrible thing to others. Sometimes, they might use innocent people to do their dirty work for them; and they don’t care who that person is as long as they accomplish what they were supposed to achieve.
Not all people that use deception are beyond hope because they just need to realize that they are not here to take advantage of others, but that they too are part of the bigger picture. It gets them nowhere to keep doing what they are doing because sooner or later the word will get around and then the only ones that they will be able to deceive are themselves, and this is the most difficult person that they will ever have to face, because you can deceive others but not yourself.
- I CONSIDERED MYSELF TO BE A MASTER MANIPULATOR
I skillfully handled, controlled and used many by changing the perception of others through abusive, deceptive or underhanded tactics, so I was usually undetectable. Sometimes, I acted like I was a perpetrator who maybe committed an evil act, and sometimes I became a predator who exploited others. I thought that I was entitled to something; and however I achieved this didn’t matter as long as I was getting what I wanted. I have made myself look like a victim, and sometimes hid behind other people, so as to use them as a shield so that others could not come after me. This worked very well many times because I would just try to explain that others could not understand my motives; and they were after me because I was trying to do the right thing. I was trying to do the right thing but for the wrong reasons because I was more concerned about myself, and how I felt than being concerned about the wellbeing of others.
I didn’t want to waste my time with young women because they were too easily manipulated, but at the same time they could see what I really wanted from them and as soon as they discovered this, they told me to hit the road Jack. I would always give the excuse that they just didn’t understand me, and that they wanted something from me that I couldn’t deliver but in reality, it was I that wanted something from them.
I loved to go after the ones that were married, but maybe had some issues in their marriage. Maybe the husband was cheating on them, or maybe they were just bored with being married. They had lost that salt and pepper taste that happens always when the honeymoon is over. Maybe they were living a monotonous life dedicated in making money and building their estate, so that their children could have something to fall back on. Maybe they were more concerned in their careers and the romance had just died in their marriage. These were the ones that were most challenging for me because it required that I take some preplanned steps that would not give me away. I needed to take my time and first make it look like I just wanted to be their friend, and just listen to what they had to tell me. I made it look like I was listening to every word that came out of their mouth, but in reality for me they were just a bunch of words. The more they talked, the more I knew that I had them where I wanted them to be. The more they confided in me, the more I knew that there would come a time when I could reel in the line, and they would be hooked on with line and sinker. There was no way that they could escape because they told me so many secrets that it made them feel that I was part of their lives, and that they could not just stop and try to fix what was wrong in their marriage. Eventually, my charm would work its magic and we would then connect even more, so that I could demonstrate to them how much I truly cared about them.
This was just a show because I knew deep inside that the more they desired me to be with them, the more I had them hooked into believing my lies. They would concentrate more on having a relationship with me than having one with anyone else, including their family and friends. My tactic would always work because I would always offer them the alternative that, if I was doing something inappropriate that I would just go away and never bother them again. This always worked because they would always say that without me being part of their life, they would have nothing to live for any more. It made me look like I had come to save them, but in reality they were saving me by using them to satisfy my appetite.
With each new person that I was able to manipulate, I became better and better at it and cared less and less who I was hurting.
- I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WHAT I WAS DOING WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO
I have never gotten in trouble with the law. The things that I was doing, I don’t think was considered illegal. My actions always demonstrated that I wasn’t doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing. When I would talk to people, they listened to me because they thought that I was pretty much someone that would not get involved in gossip, and when some things were none of my business, I would not interfere. I would just do my things and was not a trouble maker. I never looked back to see how much damage I may have caused to others, but it was not my fault if I had nothing to do with it. At least, this is what I thought.
I didn’t intentionally want to harm anyone and tried my best to do what I thought was the right thing to do. Maybe in the eyes of others, they thought differently, but I was entitled to live life the way I thought that I should be able to live it. I might have played with people’s emotions and maybe told them things that were not totally true, but I didn’t mean to cause any harm to them. Sometimes, I might have lost my cool and said some things that were not appropriate, but nobody is perfect, and I do have the right to defend myself against someone that wanted to expose what my true intentions were. I haven’t physically hurt anyone, even though I might have hurt them emotionally. I may have caused more damage than good; but my intentions were not to do this.
I always had an excuse of why I did what I did, and everyone seemed to believe me so this is why I continued to do what I was doing because I felt that I was doing the right thing. I might have judged others prematurely; but I could only know what I was told. I found an easy way so that I could fit in, and be accepted by others even though they didn’t know the “real” me. I needed to be careful with displaying my true intentions otherwise, I could risk being exposed. When opportunity came knocking, I tried to be at the right place at the right time, so that I could open the door to this opportunity.
Sometimes, I would miss the boat, but other times I was there waiting and ready for the chance of a lifetime. It did come a couple of times, and even though I didn’t want to do what I was doing to others, I felt that it was my time to shine. I had missed some previous opportunities that had come my way; but this gave me more experience to be on the lookout for any new ones coming my way. I didn’t feel bad about some of the tactics that I have used because I had to learn them one by one. I needed to know if they were going to work or not. Life is meant to be lived, and we come here to learn whatever we need to learn. Maybe this was my calling, and I could not let these opportunities slip by me.
By the time I will get to be a ripe old age, I can look back, and see all of the things that I have been able to accomplish by using other people to do the dirty work for me. I will be able to see how clever I was, and how I didn’t miss any opportunity that was presented to me in this life. I don’t believe in a higher power, except myself, and this gives me the right to do whatever I think is the right thing to do. I make up the rules as I go, and the ones that work for me, I will keep using in the future. The ones that don’t seem to work or maybe have gotten me into hot water, I will just brush them to the side, and not do them again.
I have learned from the mistakes that sometimes maybe have gotten me into some kind of trouble but never enough to give me away. I had some close calls sometimes, but realized in time that it was my time to move on and go and find somebody else that would fall for my charm. I always slept well at night knowing that I was just doing what I felt was the right thing for me to do in each particular situation.
- EACH TIME I CARED LESS AND LESS
One thing that I started to notice as I would have a relationship with one woman and then it would end, and then another would just show up without my looking for it, is that I cared less. They say that one can’t go through fire without sometimes getting burned. I didn’t get burned that much, but what I realized is that I started to care less and less about how other people truly felt. I would listen to them plea and see the tears coming from their eyes, but my heart had become hard. It didn’t feel what they were feeling any more. I don’t think that I was always this way, and I truly didn’t expect that I would be doing what I would doing to other people’s feelings.
I knew in the beginning that this was going to affect me in a negative way, but each time I did it, I felt good that I had done what was good for me, and that kept me going looking for another challenge. When I was younger, my parents would always remind me that I was not going to amount to anything, and that I would just waste my time away dreaming about being somebody, but not doing anything to accomplish this. I was always being told that I would be a good for nothing lazy person that wanted things to come to me, instead of going out and finding my destiny. I might have been a fly by night, but now that I have matured I now know what my destiny is. I now wanted to prove to them that they were wrong, and that I was accomplishing something with these women even though it was temporary.
Maybe, I have helped some get back with their husbands, or find true love with someone else. I will never know, but it is nice to have this thought in the back of your mind. This sort of gives one the assurance that maybe one didn’t do that much harm to others. I did get proposed a couple of times to marry some of the women that I had associated with, and they felt this special connection with me, but I didn’t feel any connection with them except the few minutes that we would spend totally connected physically to each other. This feeling would only last a very short time, and even though sometimes we would connect more often, the feeling of being close to someone was never there.
I guess I was just born this way and there was nothing that I could do about it. I sometimes saw other people seem to be in love with each other, and I was never jealous of them because I knew that I had something else that was more valuable: My self-esteem, my ego.
You might think that I am an egotistic son of a bitch, but I can assure you that there are many of us out there, and we don’t realize this because we keep ourselves hidden out of sight. We don’t come out in the open. You won’t see us walking with these women down the street out in the open so that everyone can see us. It is more bliss to be showing to others one thing, and behind closed doors be doing something else. The feeling of letting others guess, what this relationship is all about is what makes this forbidden fruit taste so sweet. Coming out in the open would spoil all of the fun. Doing things behind everybody’s back, is what life is all about.
Why should they care about what somebody else is doing anyways? Having a normal relationship with someone would spoil all of the fun? Then it would just be a normal relationship like everyone else has, and then the excitement and the pleasures would just eventually fizzle out because the honeymoon would be over. The routine would kick in, and these women would just go back to be the wives that they were before they met me. They would just go back to their usual routine of just being maybe somebody’s possession.
I was the fuel that these women needed to keep their flame alive. They were the fuel that kept me coming back to more and more of what I needed from them.
- THE KEY THAT OPENS THE DOOR
Unless you have been sitting in a table with a woman looking at their eyes, can you feel what I have felt many times? When they tell you that they “love you”, or when they mention that they don’t know what would have happened to them if you were not part of their life. Most men would melt and feel those words reach their soul and would want to make them want to be with this person for the rest of their lives. This is the perfect time when I would say just a few words that would really close the deal. I would just tell them that I wouldn’t know where I would be in my life if they hadn’t come into my life, and saved me from this living hell. One could see a tear flow down from their eyes, and then you would know that she was ready for the kill. You had her where you wanted her to be. You could do whatever you wanted to do with her. You could ask her to do anything for you. It just seems that most women have this built in desire to save the “bad boy”, and try to make them the “prince charming” that they have been waiting for to sweep them off their feet. This prince charming that will make all their dreams come true.
Even though, maybe when they got married they thought that they had found him, but then realized that life is not a walk in the park for most. That there is price that one has to pay for everything that one wants out of this life. I have had to pay that price, but I am content that this is the way it is going to be for me, so might as well take advantage of every opportunity that is being presented to me, and not look back and repent of anything that I have done, because I have done the right thing all the time that gave me the satisfaction that I was looking for. Yes, I have been a master of deception. Just like some are proud of being a good person, I am proud to be one of this elite group of people that only care about what their own needs are. This is my religion, and this is my belief, and I will go to my grave thinking that what I am doing is the right thing to do.
Another thing that has always worked for me, is that one needs to show that one cares about what the other person is going through. Showing that one cares doesn’t necessarily mean that one truly cares. Just try to show it. Try to show that one is listening to what they have to say to you even though you are not hearing one word that is coming out of their mouth. Why am I saying all of these things after all of these years? Well nobody knows when it is your time to go, and might as well share some of my accomplishments while I still can with someone that I know will share them with others. I don’t know how I will go and in what way this will happen. I don’t think that I will suffer like many others have probably suffered because I didn’t really do all of these things to hurt anyone, but just do help myself to the meals that were being presented to me in this life.
If I wouldn’t have taken advantage of these situations, then somebody for sure, would have done it and maybe they would have caused more harm than I did. This sort of makes me feel like maybe I had a purpose in doing these things with all of these women. I did my part and like I stated before, I never was the cause that created the situation that they were in when I came into the scene. I didn’t help them to resolve their issues, but it was not my fault that they had gotten themselves into this mess. I just wanted to enjoy the fruit that was ripe for the picking; and then proceed with finding another tree to enjoy its fruit.
Who knows what my next life might be? but I won’t remember this one so it won’t matter that much to me. If you even hear of a woman that met a man that came into her life and then left, then maybe this was me, or maybe it was somebody else.
- I WAS NOT A GIGOLO
Even though my charm was used to almost make it look like, I was at the service of the women that I had a sort of relationship with, I never considered myself being this. The definition of this word comes pretty close to describing some of the things that I had done; but it didn’t completely describe my actions. These are some of the definitions: A gigolo is a younger man paid or financially supported by an older woman to be her escort or lover, they tend to service wealthy women. A man living off the earnings and gifts of a woman especially a younger man supported by an older woman in return for his sexual attentions and companionship. Social companion who is supported by a woman in a continuing relationship, often living in her residence or having to be present at her beck and call to do whatever is required of him.
I do admit that most of my relationships were with married women, or ones that were separated, or even divorced. I do admit that I would use whatever tactic that I had available to me to make these women truly think that I cared about their needs. Because I am not that old, and the majority of the women that I would cater to were older than me, and even though some of them looked younger than me, it was because they just kept themselves in good shape. While their husbands went off to work to make the money, they took care of their bodies and their outer looks, so that they would feel that they were still attractive to others. They made sure that they bought clothes that would highlight their “outer” beauty. It was then my duty to let them know how “hot” they looked which would be a turn on for them because most likely their husbands didn’t even notice this anymore, because they were caught up in the business world doing what most men like to do best. Provide for the welfare of their family.
I was their knight in shining armor because my schedule was flexible, and when I would get the call I would respond into action. I was willing and ready to provide whatever service was needed from me. Sometimes, it was just to sit there and listen to what they had to say. They wanted somebody to listen to what they had buried inside of them, and make them feel that somebody really cared about how they felt. I made myself flexible to their needs, and whatever they wanted me to be, I would accommodate them. I was like a snake that could find its way into whatever bush that was put in my way. I was the perfect recording device that they could tell me everything; and I could give advice that would melt even steel. I don’t know where these words that flowed out of mouth came from because I didn’t believe anything that I would say to them. I only knew what I wanted, and if they wanted me to say any word, I would say it. If they wanted to hear the right words reach their ears, I was the one to deliver them.
The idea of getting married has never occurred to me because this would mean that I truly cared about somebody else’s feelings. This would mean that I would have to become human again. This would mean that the hurt that was done to me, when I was younger, would have to be forgotten and I was not willing to do this quite yet. I needed to find my place in this world, instead of being left behind while others got what they wanted by going out and doing what they needed to do. I wanted it handed to me on a silver platter because I was not willing to start at the bottom of the ladder if I was handed the opportunities of starting in the middle.
I was different than others, and I was going to prove to them that I could do it my way, and it was going to be better than what others were doing. I was on the fast track to get what I deserved in this life.
- I KNOW MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE DO
I am not trying to be arrogant because I know this as being a fact. When I would get myself into a tight corner, I was able to wiggle myself out of it. When confronted with facts, I would be careful how I responded or decided to hide behind others, and let them do the talking for me. I made myself look like I would not hurt a fly because I really didn’t care about hurting one, because this would not benefit me in any way. I could assess the situation that I was confronted with, and words and ideas just flowed through my mind like water, and this meant that I was prepared with what I had to do. I could lie out of my teeth, and the words would come out like they were true. I could look like the most harmless person in this world, so that everyone would let their guard down, and not suspect anything else. I could tell anyone what I knew that they needed to hear, and they believed what I had just told them, even though eventually the truth would come out, but I didn’t have to give any excuses about why I lied to them. I just moved on to my next lie and my next victim, and never looked back.
Sometimes, I would not be kept in the dark or behind the scenes, and when people saw me, I was introduced just as somebody’s “friend”, and then they could come up with their own conclusions, and I didn’t care about what they thought of me or her. Our “real” relationship was what we wanted it to be and what I wanted it to really be. Some of the women that I had a relationship with were widows, and some were still married. The ones that were still married were the ones that I enjoyed the most associating with, because they were looking for something that I could easily provide them with. Words that they wanted so desperately to hear me say to them. Actions which I was an expert because I could provide for them what they needed the most that they couldn’t get from their husbands.
Don’t get me wrong because it was not just about sex but other small things that are more important to some women. Running errands for them, acting like the gardener that would come and cut the grass and trim the trees, cooking and maybe washing the dishes and ironing the clothes, and cleaning the house, and maybe even changing the light bulbs, and doing some minor repairs around the house.
You might be wondering how this was all possible if these women were still married. One of the conditions was that they would find a way to not have their husbands living there anymore, and the less they knew, the better it was as long as they kept paying the bills. The widows were also fun because they had the money, but they were always looking for a lasting relationship and that was something that I would play along with their needs until it was time for me to move on. I would milk those cows until there was not much milk left in them, and then take my earnings and move on to my next victim.
By now you might have come to the conclusion that I have no heart or soul or no respect for other people’s feelings. You are right, but at least I am not a cold blooded murderer, and at least I have provided some sort of pleasure for these women even though I might have broken a few hearts here and there. Nobody is perfect; and I must admit that in this world if one doesn’t take care of their own needs then, who will? I am just a man that has discovered something and I am going to keep doing what I am doing until the time when I will return to dust. I knew that the time would come for me to come forward and tell my story to someone so that somebody would know the “real” me.
This is not a confession, and I’m not admitting doing anything wrong, but just to leave a record of my accomplishments in this life.
- I ALMOST GOT INTO SOME TROUBLE ONE TIME
It was not my fault; but I guess someone tried to blame me for something that I had nothing to do with it. Some type of lawsuit was brought unto me by some family members of some guy that apparently committed suicide and they tried to prove that I had something to do with it. I didn’t put any gun to his head; but I guess they thought that my part in this whole situation caused him to pull the trigger.
This is ridiculous, because when I came into the scene there was already a disaster going in with this guy. I thought that I had come into the scene at just the right time to try to help out in what I could. I didn’t do much, well in reality I didn’t do anything to help this situation. It was not my problem, and I felt that the only thing that I could do is what I have been doing for many years, and that is to be there just in case my services were needed. I don’t want to go into other details because this incident that happened affected me in some ways. I still continued to do what I was doing before this happened but it was sort of a wakeup call for me to be more careful with what type of women that I should get involved in. If the husband has cheated on his wife and they come to me to sort of comfort their pain then that is one thing. I have never been involved in many cases in which it is the other way around.
My services are intended to help out the victim, but maybe sometimes there is a confusion in knowing which is which. Sometimes we might come to the conclusion that one is the victim, and it could be that it is the other way around. The relatives did not win the lawsuit against me because it was not my responsibility to have taken care of this guy’s needs. It was the wife’s responsibility, and not mine. The only thing that I did was to comfort the one that I thought needed comforting, and I felt that I did my part to make this person feel good about what she was doing with me. She did wine and dine me because she wanted to show how grateful she was that I was there for her. I almost came to the point of truly feeling something for her but I needed to keep my head on straight because I didn’t want to fall for her charm either. Maybe she was playing with me, like I was playing with her. Maybe I had met my match. I needed to do what I was there to do, and then try to move on with the next one.
I used all the charm that I had learned to use; and all the skills that came with having so much experience, and I was able to come out of this situation clean as a whistle. I always took advantage when women would buy me clothes, and take me to fancy restaurants, and not just to some Motel 6 type of hotels but to some really fancy ones. They wanted to show me off, but not in public. They would always be in cities away from home where it would have been almost impossible for us to be detected or exposed. There we could be ourselves, and be very affectionate to each other like there was no tomorrow. I was being treated more like a puppy that one finds in the street and they are fed and given shelter so as to take care of their needs. My needs were very simple, and that was to satisfy my appetite for attention to get what I felt I deserved from this life.
Maybe in another life I was just some person that everybody had stepped on and left abandoned on the streets, but this time around I needed to make up for what they had done to me before. This is why I didn’t care about who I had to take advantage of because who knows what my next life would bring to me. If I would be punished for what I had done to others this time around then we would be even with how I was treated before.
I hope that you can understand what I am trying to relate here with these words, and not judge me so harshly.
- TRUTH AND LIES, RIGHT AND WRONG
Sometimes in certain situations we can’t tell what is true or what are lies. What is right and what is wrong. I will try to explain. Sometimes truth can be made to look like something that is not true. Lies can be made to look like something that is true. Right can be made to look like it is wrong and then wrong can also be made to look like it is the right thing to do. This is not confusing because this is the oldest trick in the book of deception.
One can state that one broke somebody’s heart, but in reality it is the other way around. One can play the part of being the victim, but in reality they are the perpetrator. One can feel that they did the right thing in their own book, but in the book of life it shows that they did not do the right thing with regards to a certain situation. One can look at another person’s actions and come to the conclusion that for sure they did the wrong thing, but in reality knowing the whole situation and the reasons why they did these things, then someone can come up with a different conclusion. They always say that the best policy is to tell the truth. The ones that always state they have told the truth most likely have not, or they can accommodate their little white lies to make them look like they are half-truths.
Nobody and I repeat, nobody is perfect whether they want to admit it or not. Nobody can always tell the truth about everything regardless of how hard one tries they will find that sometimes they need to bend it sometimes, so that it will not hurt as much. The main thing is to call things by their proper names. Truth is truth and lies are lies. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Manipulating these things leads one towards deception. Deception leads one to think that they can say anything, and people will believe whatever comes out of their mouths. We, as human beings, sometimes will say whatever it takes to make a point. We can distort things in such a way that no one can tell which way is up and which way is down. What is truth and what is a lie. What is right and what is wrong. What we don’t realize is that this will lead us to think that we can just make anything up as we go along and people will believe it. We don’t realize that eventually when the smoke clears that the real facts will be known. We will have buried ourselves into a hole so large that we won’t be able to get out, and we will just sit there thinking that no one will notice what has happened to us. What a wonderful feeling it is when one decides to just state the facts as they are. No beating around the bush. No inventing one lie to cover another lie. No doing another wrong to cover one that was done before.
For some, it will be the hardest thing to do, and for others, it might just take a small minute to think about where they are headed with this. Sometimes, we need to take one step back and come to the realization that regardless of how many people we fool eventually the truth will come out one way or another. If we are trying to win a popularity contest, then that is one thing, or if we are trying to recruit an army so that we have a better chance of winning the war, then this might be another story. Just to get people to sympathize with our cause or our purpose eventually becomes something that will weigh us down through this life.
We will have to carry these chains with us until we decide one day to take them off and leave them behind in our past. When we decide that it is time to pay the piper and receive whatever we need to receive for the acts that we have done right or wrong in this life. That day will come sooner or later whether we like it or not, or whether we believe it or not.
- I AM NOT TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME
You might picture me being this way but to be truthful I am not. You would think that this would be the only way for me to have all of these relationships with these beautiful women. When one sees in the movies these handy men that work out all day in the gym and are all well-built, that this would be the only way to get these women to give them the time of day. This is Hollywood, but in real life this is not so.
Any woman would like to be with these men any day, but they know that they are all body and no mind. What one sees on the outside might be fun for a couple of days, but they know that most likely these men have a list of women waiting for them to call. I am your ordinary person that does not exercise or go to the gym to develop my physique, or goes to the tanning salon so that I can look my best. I dress like any ordinary man would dress. If you saw me on the streets you wouldn’t give me the time of day. You would think that I am just your common ordinary wouldn’t hurt a fly type of person. I don’t have a lot of money, or drive a fancy car, or have fancy clothes, or wear jewelry, or even puts on perfume. I don’t go to the hair saloon to have my hair done professionally, and I don’t come off as being a know-it-all, or one that everyone turns around when I come into the room. Most of the time, they don’t even notice that I have arrived.
What sets me apart from the rest of the men in this world is that I am doing this on purpose, so that everyone will not feel intimidated by me. They will just look at me as some common ordinary person that is just there because they have invited me to be there and that is all. They don’t have the slightest idea that my mind is constantly coming up with these ideas that I can hardly wait to try on my victims. I am always planning my next move; and very few times I just let others see the “real” me.
Sometimes I don’t even know if this person really exists because of all the parts that I have played in this journey through this life. I have played the role of being innocent. I have been accused of some things, and I have never responded to those accusations, and I just let time make people forget about what they wanted to know about my actions. I can act pretty stupid sometimes like I didn’t understand the question; but in reality this is just a maneuver that I have used several times so that people can stop picking on me. I love being the victim of false accusations even though everybody knows that they are true; but the most important thing is that the one that I am having a relationship with believes me instead of them. I know that I am at the top of my game when I see this happening. When I see them go after everybody just to defend me because I am being picked on, and it is their duty to protect me because I didn’t do anything wrong. I then show her my appreciation when the smoke clears and sparks fly all over the place, and I don’t care if this happens many times because the rewards are out of this world.
Sometimes, one might see these beautiful women having a relationship with these common ordinary men, and one is wondering why they are doing this and maybe now you know why. I am not saying that they are doing this but when I saw this for the first time. I knew how I needed to act and it has worked quite well for me.
I loved the Droopy dog character in the cartoons because he always acted so calmly, and was just an ordinary dog but sometimes, when confronted with certain situations, one could see his true nature and strength.
- LIVING IN DARKNESS IS MUCH BETTER THAN LIVING IN THE LIGHT
You might be thinking that it should be the other way around. What most preachers tell their congregation is not what I have just said here. Maybe they have it wrong and I am right. Maybe it is better to live in darkness. You can only see very little, and if you don’t know that what you are doing is wrong, then you are free from the punishment of knowing. If you are living in the light, then you might realize that what you are doing is not correct. Then it comes the process of changing you course and trying to fix what you have broken. This is too much of a hassle, and it would take precious time out of this life rather than just continue forward with the way one thinks they need to act.
Living in darkness will help, one make their own rules as they go. They will stretch out their hands to see which direction they might need to go so as to not bump into any walls. Having light so that one can see eliminates the need to do this, and then for sure one will not run into any obstacles. There is no excuse of why one did some things, and they just can’t fall back on just saying: “I didn’t know”. Being blind has it perks because whenever ones sees one trying to cross the road, all cars will stop and let them pass. If one sees somebody that is not blind, then this might not happen and just have them wait for the traffic to clear. Sometimes, they say that who plays with fire might someday get burned. I have not been worried about somebody trying to convince me to live in the light. The darkness is where one can move around without being detected. One can put on any disguise and not have to worry about people finding out who is the real “you”.
The number one rule of being a deceiver or a master of deception is to not have anyone find out who you really are. You have to always keep them guessing. Always lie and never tell the truth is the best possible strategy to accomplish this. It is easier to do than most of us think it is. It is just the opposite of telling the truth. They say that when you lie, then you have to tell another lie to cover the one before. The same is true when one says the truth. Once you say the truth you most likely will always tell the truth. Once you start to get used to lying, then it is easier to just keep lying than to start telling the truth. If I do a mixture of the two then you don’t know who you told what. Better to just start telling lies all of the time, and this way nobody will ever force you into a corner that you need to find a way out. Let them think whatever they want of you. Most people in this world, who are natural deceivers, get what they want and those that tell the truth are sometimes accused of lying. To be living in the light one must first find the light.
To be living in darkness it is always there, and one doesn’t have to go looking for it. Somebody once said that if you search for the light you will find it, but they also say that darkness will come your way without you searching for it. It is around you all of the time. Because I live in darkness when I look in the mirror the only thing I see is myself; and I don’t see anyone else. If I were to live in the light, then I might see other things that I don’t want to see. The less that I know, the better it is for me. I need to keep this positive attitude, so that I am ready for when my next challenge will arrive.
I can’t get bogged down with thinking about others, and must always continue to just think about myself. I think that now you know why I prefer to live in darkness rather than live in the light.
- I WOULD RATHER ACT LIKE A SNAKE THAN A LION
Let me explain why this is how I would rather act. When you see a lion just sitting there looking like he is the king of the jungle, you can truly see that he knows it also. The way he checks out his territory to see what is going on, and also the way he is looking around for his next meal goes to show you who he truly thinks he is. He also shows off his kingdom by having all of these female lions hang around him, and sometimes they will do the killing of his next meal for him. He just likes to show to the rest of the animals who he is, and what he has that puts him in this position of power.
This is not my cup of tea. Being this way, would mean that I would have to show off who I think that I am. I am just your typical ordinary guy that most people would not give the time of day to. I know what to say and when to say them, but that is about my biggest accomplishment so far in this life. I don’t have very much money, and have spent whatever I have been able to accumulate all of these years doing what I have found that I can do best. I am not intelligent even though I can make others think that I have been there, and done that and this way I can talk my way into any conversation, and they will think that I know what I am talking about. I have fooled many and also have taken advantage of the opportunities that have been presented to me.
I would rather act like a snake because I can also be as sort of king of the jungle, but this way nobody really knows it. I won’t have to show off what I am capable of and still do my things without being detected that much. I can just crawl along the ground minding my own business, but in reality I am always looking for my next meal. I don’t have to attack when I see what I want, and just kind of like go past, it like I am not interested in it, and then when they least expect it, here I am on the other side ready to introduce my poison into their bodies. I don’t have to run away, but just lay their enjoying this meal that could last me for a long time.
A snake sometimes, seems harmless because it just crawls on the ground and seems small compared to other animals, but the poison that it carries around with it could be lethal to most. When I attack, I do it with a swift motion, so that I can catch them off guard. When the time comes, I can just continue my journey and would not have left traces behind of what I had just consumed. My deceiving words and techniques work best when I am not showing off who I want to be. I just hang around acting innocent; and when the time is right, then I will put in motion my charms, and so far they have been very effective in accomplishing what their purpose was meant to be.
If I would just expose who really I am, then the fun of being able to deceive many would not be as great. This is what I crave the most, and this is what keeps me going from one place to another. There is plenty of food for my pride and ego out there, and one doesn’t have to look that closely to be made aware of where they are. When you least expect it, they just happen to show up. The more they resist my charms, the more I try to discover other means of reeling them into my snare. Like I have mentioned before, the ones that seem to be more religious or spiritual are the ones that take a little bit more work to get them to give in. Some have even seen right through me and know who really I am representing, but since I don’t believe in all this religious garbage, then I don’t have to worry about it.
- MEN DON’T HAVE CONTROL OVER WOMEN, IT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND
You might have read about what happened a few years ago in Europe; and then all of a sudden men get blamed for what just a couple of them did with their captives. This was then called the Love and Stockholm Syndrome, and also the Prince Charming one. They stated that in most cases the women will always have positive feelings toward the controller. This is unfair because I can say that this is not always the case. I agree that most of the time the women are vulnerable because they have this soft spot in their heart that will sometimes rule their emotions and feelings. They are always looking for the one that will sweep them off their feet. They will believe everything that they are told, because this is the way they were created. Men will say anything that they will have to say to get into a woman’s pants like the saying goes. This might always be the case; but I can only speak for myself, and I can assure you that whatever a woman wants to have come out of my mouth, it will come.
Now, I have met many women that they are worse than men. They know what they want and will stop at nothing to accomplish this. They also don’t care who they have to fight or kill in some cases to get what they feel that they deserve. Killing doesn’t necessary mean doing something personally to take someone’s life away. This would be against the law, and nobody wants to get caught doing this act. What sometimes they can resort to is making somebody else’s life a living hell, and then maybe that person will have no other choice but to leave her alone. I can say that sometimes women can be worse than men are. Sometimes, when a man sees somebody down they will stop what they are doing and call it quits. Some women on the other hand, will not give up doing what they have doing until there is no breath coming out of that man’s mouth. Sounds terrible but one needs to stay as far away as possible from a woman’s wrath. This is why I disagree with this statement, even though men do have a lot of control over other women.
Could be the case that there are so few “good” men out there left and that most of them are already spoken for. Women have to fight the ones left behind. One thing that women love to do is also to “flirt”. They love to become the victims. They will tell their sad story the way they want to tell it. The men thinking that most women will always tell the truth will fall for her trick. She will be reeling him in, and when the time has come, she will have control over his actions. He might just be doing some things for her just to have justice be done. To save a damsel in distress from the ugly fire breathing dragon. He is there at the right time to save her, but in reality maybe the person needing to be saved is her husband, and not her. They will look at the fake tears running down her eyes, and hear her sad story of the abuse that she had to endure at the hands of her good for nothing dead beat husband.
If one was to only look at the things that they have, and the things that they had done together, then one could come with a different conclusion. It doesn’t occur for a man to think about these things because he has sitting in front of him a woman in distress, and he needs to do what men know best, and that is to fix the situation. Help her accomplish what she needs to do with her life; and he can help her achieve this then he becomes the knight in shining armor and save her from this wicked and evil witch.
- HOW I GOT WHAT I WANTED WITHOUT ASKING FOR IT
I am dying to share this with you. I don’t really know how I was able to discover this ingenious trick that I used once, and since it worked quite well, I continued to use it whenever I felt the need to. I was offered many toys for me to play with including the opportunity of having cars and other items that anybody would love to have. I preferred to not accept these gifts, so that others that would see me driving them could maybe put two and two together and figure out that I was just there to milk the women out of their money. I needed to do it using a more clever way.
Most of them drove these fancy cars, and they would let me drive them around or I was sitting in the front passenger seat, and it made it look like I had a personal chauffer. This would satisfy my need to have my own fancy car, and this way others would not have a reason to suspect something. The name of the game was for nobody to suspect my real intentions, and this is what gave me my high. Married women would want to buy me things, and I would always resist, and this made them want to buy more things for me. When I was offered my own credit card, I would refuse it, so that I could show them that I was not involved with them just for the money. In reality, this was a trick, so that they could have confidence in me, and when the opportunity came my way, I would go out and buy a few things, but I would always ask them for permission to do this. They just fell head over heels for this trick because they would never say “no” to me, and would always give me the green light to spend whatever I felt I needed to buy for me. I was cautious and spent very little, and would always bring them the receipt, and they would love me to death for this honest gesture. How vulnerable they were, and this caused them to always buy me my favorite drinks and also my favorite food, and they made sure that I was content with them wanting to buy me these things.
I would never ask for anything, and this worked like magic because they wanted to do everything for me. Every time we went places together, I would always give thanks for having them take me to places that I would have never dreamed of seeing on my own. This would make them feel that they were doing something special for somebody that hadn’t been to many places before. This was a lie because I probably had been there before with someone else, but what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. I required from them their full attention to me; but I had to be able to accomplish this in a sneaky way.
I would never ask for much, but I would require 100% attention from them. The way to accomplish this was to just bow my head and look like maybe I needed some attention, and it worked every time because they came running to me to see what they could do for me so that I didn’t look so unhappy or feeling alone. This made them serve me like a nurse, attending a patient and asking what else they could do for me, so that I would feel better. It didn’t matter if they got along with family, friends, their children, or even their husbands that were not there. Their main concern was to protect and take care of me. They were willing to do anything for me if I asked them to do it.
I was careful what I would ask of them, so that they would not wake up and smell the coffee that this was just an act, and that I was only testing their loyalty to me so that I could feel comfortable that they were willing to do anything to make me happy.
- I HELPED SOME WOMEN GET RID OF THEIR DEAD WEIGHT
I don’t mean the dead weight that they might be carrying on their bodies; but the weight that they think that they don’t need any more in their lives, and they need to figure out a way for them to just go away and leave them alone. You guessed it, their husband or boyfriend, or even their lover, and maybe for some their family and children.
Let’s start out with their husbands that have already been to the top of their game and have brought in the money necessary so that their wives have the life that they sought so hard to accomplish. The status in society and the recognition that most wives of powerful and influential men have gotten what they have wanted during their whole lives. They just didn’t want to be the wife of just a plumber or an electrician, or some office worker. They wanted to have fancy clothes, and cars, and expensive trips around the world, and also have the opportunity of meeting some important people so that they themselves could feel important. They did everything that was handed to them on a silver platter to squeeze as much juice out of it as possible. They don’t have the need to continue to have these men in their lives because they have reached the peak, and know what it is to have gotten there. Now, they are looking for some other form of excitement; and some of the people that helped them get to where they have wanted to be all along won’t serve their purpose any more. They now need to get rid of some of the dead weight that is still attached to them.
A simple divorce can get rid of their husbands, and either they can accuse him of having an affair or not satisfying her personal needs any more, or she can just go out and find someone to make his life miserable, so that he will decide to dump her instead. If the family get in the way, one can just stop associating with them and they won’t want to be part of their life either. It is much harder to get rid of some of their children, but when they see what they are doing to the rest of the people around them, then they might decide to not associate with them either. I have watched these women in action and when I have been asked to help them accomplish what they were trying to achieve, I was always willing to help out. Sometimes, this was done easily by my being there in all of the events, and also always offering to do whatever needed to be done to help out. This could be to just be there all of the time, or to go out and make sure that others would always see us together, and when I would notice this, then I went all out, and maybe some people would be thinking that this sort of behavior in front of others was inappropriate, but it would always accomplish its purpose.
Then, the gossipers would start calling each other and spreading what they had just seen all over town. This would drive a few nails into their husband’s heart if they still had any feelings for their wives. For the ones that had already found another younger secretary to go out with and relieve his pain, they pretty much didn’t care, but those were few. Most didn’t take these actions very well and maybe just maybe, I had more to do with how some of them lived than I will ever know. Oh well, I was just trying to do what I has asked to do, and so it was not all of my fault, but the one that had asked me to do my part.
It made me feel good that I was able to help some of these women, even though one person’s gain is always another person’s loss.
- I HAVE COME TO HELP YOU
I can’t remember how many times I have used this phrase before. It is short and to the point and it is sharp as a double edged sword. It has worked its charm every time. If I was to ask the question: Can I help you? Then it would not work as well. It is because I am leaving it up to them to tell me what I can do to help them with their situation. Saying this other way, gives them the impression that I already know what is going on in their lives and I am willing to solve their problems. I don’t have the slightest idea how, but it is a way to get my foot in the door. They then look at me as being their savior and that I have come into their lives to help them resolve the issues that they might be having. I can just make a few suggestions; and they think that I have the crystal ball to know what the future will bring.
I have to be careful to not talk too much and make them feel at ease that I am not there to take advantage of the situation they are in, but in reality this is my true reason for being there. I move slowly but surely, and know what my ultimate goal is. I will always look them in the eye, so as to show them that I am being honest with them. They most of the time will not look at me because they have been taken advantage of before, but I assure them that this time it will not be this way. I guarantee them that I will help them in whatever they need my help in. I am their knight in shining armor that has come to save them from their evil dragon.
I will start doing small things for them like helping them do some things around the house and run a few errands for them. This seems to work all of the time because they can see actions and not just words. This makes them feel at ease that I am there to be a sort of servant to them. I can talk for hours and give advice like I have been around the world, but in reality this is not true. They are just words that come into my mind at that particular time. I have a solution to solve all of the world’s problems, but in reality I don’t know what I am talking about. The more I talk, the more they seem to feel at ease with me, and my control over them each time gets stronger.
They don’t realize this because they are like hypnotized by the words that come out of my mouth. I know what to say and when to say it. I know what they need to hear coming from my mouth. I provide whatever they are looking for, from just being friends to being lovers. When I am with this person, the rest of the world is outside these four walls. It is just me and her, and nobody else in this world can break this bonding that supposedly we have. She is bonded to me, but I will never be bonded to anyone. This would mean the end of my journey through this life doing what I feel I must keep doing for myself.
The more I become part of their life, the more they become isolated from the rest of their surroundings. She will start to wear what I tell her to wear and talk to whomever I want her to talk to. She will only associate with the ones that are not there to find out my “real” intentions because I can’t take the risk of being exposed for who I really am. When it is my time to go, they understand that this must be this way because they feel that I came into their life for a purpose; and now that I have accomplished it, then I must move on to help another damsel in distress.
You would think that they would throw themselves at my feet, and ask me not to go but the way I say it makes them truly believe the sales pitch that I have presented to them. I am the master of deceit.
- I AM GOD
I believe that there is no other god except myself. I have never believed in a higher power and I know what is right and what is wrong. What I do is always right. This is my philosophy and it has worked quite well for me so far. If I am wrong, then I will find this out when it is my time to leave this life. In the meantime, I will keep believing what I want to believe. I live for the day, and the things that have come into my life are because I was on the lookout for when they would show up.
I didn’t look the other way and let them slip out of my hands, but was there ready to grab that opportunity that was being presented to me. I am very pleased so far with how I have lived, and even though I don’t know what is store for me in the future, it is beyond my control, so I am letting others worry about it. I have never been a religious or spiritual person, and both my feet are walking very firmly on the ground. I have met a few women in my life that were sort of religious, but never any that were spiritual. The ones that would do the motions about what they believed in, but really didn’t practice them were the ones that through me completely stopped this false routine. Maybe I helped them be more sincere with themselves, so that they could stop fooling others.
I never dared do anything with the ones that truly believed, and acted like they believed in a God because maybe just maybe, they would convince me that I was the one that was in the wrong. I couldn’t risk this happening, so if I ran into some that immediately started to mention some sort of God, I would never see them again. This was a rule that I could never break regardless of how beautiful they were, or how desperate they were to have me be part of their lives. I could not take the chance of this happening to me, and ruin all my plans and dreams that I had for my life. I made the rules as I went, and I had only myself to be accountable to. I was God. I had many women that looked up to me like I was one, and they were there waiting for any word that would come of my mouth, so if they thought I was one, then why not be one. If everything that I did or said were for them true, then I was one. Nobody was higher than me, and I had the power to ruin or save other people’s lives. I had the power to maybe save some marriages or some relationships, and I chose not to. I had the power to bring a family together, or destroy it completely.
I had women begging for me to marry them, and they were willing to give their lives to me. I had women that I am not sure if they did this or not, but were willing to die for me. I had so much power over others, and even though there were not that many, still maybe I was a god to a few. They made me who they wanted me to be for them. They created this image that I knew everything, and this made me feel that I had control over their lives. They gave me this power over them. I didn’t ask for it. I put the pieces in place, and they finished the puzzle. They are the ones that turned on this switch that made me function the way I did. They created this image that they wanted me to be, and I did what they wanted me to be for them. I just went along for the ride, and took advantage of what I needed from them. They used me, and I used them, and gave them somewhat of what they were looking for.
I did nothing wrong because I just did what they felt they needed from me. They used me and I used them back. I gave them what they wanted and they gave me what I wanted also.
- WHY NOT HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP LIKE OTHERS HAVE
I don’t have too many friends that I still associate with because to tell you the truth, they don’t agree with what I have been doing with my life. It is not that they have theirs that organized, but they just don’t get it why I am living this way. Some of them have gotten married, and couple has also divorced. Some have not had any kids, and some are trying to figure out how to split them up equally. I guess they have felt that they have lived life like most of our parents and other relatives lived theirs. They found someone that they felt they wanted to be with, and form a family, and then have some kids to raise them, so that the family name would continue, and the cycle would repeat, so that this world would not come to an end.
I have never been one to believe in this, even though I come from a pretty stable family, but I guess being the black sheep I needed to go and find my own path. Finding someone that one has to share something with, is not my cup of tea. This could lead one to confide in another person and open up to them with maybe telling them some of your inner most secrets, and then they could just go in there, and tear things apart, and just leave you vulnerable. This would mean that one has to be able to confide in someone else, and I have never done this before because they have always let me down. Then one must assume the responsibility to having to put their part in this relationship, which means having to lose something for somebody else seems sometimes taking a risk.
Too many things could go wrong; and even if one was to find a person that one could trust, then there could be the risk of maybe having some children coming into the picture. This would mean that since they can’t pretty much take care of themselves, then this would mean that one would have to teach them everything they would need to know. My lifestyle has not been one that one could teach others to do as I did. I don’t think that I could teach these kids what I have had to learn on my own. They might look at me as some weird sort of animal that only cares about oneself, and then this would mean that I am exposing myself. Then, there is the other issue that one would have to do their part in this relationship instead of being treated like a king, and when the heat got too hot in the kitchen, one could move to another place in the house.
Commitment is a word that I don’t feel very comfortable with. Committed to doing something that makes me feel good is another thing all together. If things start to become a routine, then the way I have been living my life would provide me a way to just move on and not look back. Getting tied down to just living a normal live and having a normal relationship with someone is something that would scare me. I would rather be in charge of my own destiny, and when I felt that I needed to move on that I could just do it and have no remorse. Better to just remain a tourist on this journey, rather than to decide to settle down.
Maybe in the future if something was to happen to me, then I might change my mind, but until now I am content the way things are going for me. I guess I am just different than all the rest of the men on this earth, or maybe there are more of us than one can imagine. I don’t care because I am happy the way I am; and if nobody seems to like me that is their problem, and not mine. As long as there are women out there waiting for some man to come and save them, then I will never run out of fresh meat to dig my teeth into. Sorry that I had to use this analogy, but being a predator, this is what we need to feed our ferocious appetite.
- SOME HAVE WRONGLY ACCUSED ME OF BEING A RUTHLESS PERSON
A ruthless person is one that shows no pity or compassion for others. This is not me, but I can guarantee you that I have had a few relationships with some women that this would describe how they truly were. You might think that maybe I taught them to be this way especially with their husbands. This is totally not true because even though I might have taught them a few tricks and maybe helped them accomplish what they wanted me to do for them, there were certain things that I didn’t feel comfortable doing. This didn’t mean that I had a soft spot in my heart but if I didn’t know somebody, then how could I make their lives miserable.
I never wanted to get involved, or get in the middle of lover’s quarrels. They knew why they got married and they also knew what happened to their relationship. I didn’t want to waste my precious time hearing a long story about how somebody did something wrong to another person, and since I was only listening to one side of the story, I couldn’t determine if she was lying to me or just telling me half-truths. Relationships are too complex; and the only people that can help resolve some things are the ones that are involved in them. I was just a stranger that would come into the picture when the game was maybe half-over, and since I didn’t know how it started, then I didn’t want to get involved that much. I came, did my thing, and when it was time to leave, I would leave. I have seen women want to not just let their previous husbands just go away, but if they could burn them at the stake then they would do this. Not just kill him and get it over with, but also make him suffer as much as he could before this would occur. I would see how they purposely told them that they still loved them while they were having a relationship with me, so that they could milk them for as much as they could. They would purposely do things knowing that they would find out, and this would destroy them internally, but they didn’t care. They had already taken advantage of them, but were not satisfied because revenge was so sweet, and they would never forgive them for what they had done.
It could have been a simple one night stand with his secretary, or just because she didn’t want to be romantically involved with him anymore because she had lost her interest in him. It could also be that he wasn’t making as much money as he was before, and wasn’t providing for the family like he had in the past. Since there would be many reasons why this had occurred with their relationship, I didn’t want to get involved because I would have not been able to help find a solution to their problems. I am not a problem solver, but one that just comes in to help someone get what they want from me, and also what I want from them. I have seen them keep beating up their previous husbands with words that I haven’t even used before. I have tried to not be around when this is happening because after all I am also a man, and hearing these words said to another person doesn’t help me keep on track. I know what I want, and I want to create the least amount of trouble for me.
If the heat gets too hot in the kitchen I want to be able to just move on to another place in the house. I have watched families get into fights, and I have always maintained a low profile. I never wanted to be brought into the scene, or else then I would have been exposed for who I really was. I didn’t want to feel that maybe some of the things that were happening were my fault. I wanted to be a spectator, and not get involved in the game. The only participation that I wanted to be involved in was just to do what I knew best. The least I was directly involved, the better it was for me.
- NEVER APOLOGIZE OR SAY THAT YOU ARE SORRY
I learned this from some of the past experiences that I had with women that I felt that maybe I just went too far. I helped them get away from their annoying husbands, take their husbands for whatever they were worth and more, make their family disown them, and even their kids hate them. I thought that maybe I had gone too far, but this is what they wanted from me. I was thinking of going and apologizing to some of the people that maybe got hurt, and found out the hard way that this was not such a good idea. They almost threw me to the dogs, and went after me blaming for everything that they had done. I almost felt that I was the victim, instead of thinking that they were. I even apologized to them, and that made it worst.
They accused me of not following along with the agreed plans, and that I was not man enough to go through with it till the end regardless of the outcome. This just didn’t last for just a few hours but for several days. It seemed that all that they had accumulated in them came out and they were all sent my way. I could not run away because I hadn’t planned on moving on quite yet. I was still enjoying our relationship, and we were travelling to different places that I had never been there before, and the fire was still hot, and we were having a lot of fun doing things together. I thought that maybe this was my curtain call and that I should move on, but I have learned from past experiences to never abandon the ship until it is the right time to do it. I didn’t want to miss out on anything that maybe was going to come around the corner. I decided to stick around and take whatever they were willing to throw at me. I could learn something from what had just happened and this is what I have learned.
Taking this into consideration, I have learned to never do this again. I must always move on and let the things that happen just let them go. There is a reason for why things happen, and this is the lesson that I had to learn the hard way. Once the storm was over, they made up for all the things that they said to me, and for a long time they were my slave because they felt that I didn’t deserve to hear all of these words and accusations. The fun that comes after a good argument is well worth the pain and sufferings that one has to go through when this is happening. I learned that I don’t have to feel sorry for the ones that are suffering because of what I maybe have done to them. Most of them deserved this, and if I was the one that delivered justice to them, then I was meant to be there for a reason.
Another lesson that I learned was once the milk has been spilled, then what good would it do if one was to say that they were sorry if they can’t clean up the mess that one has caused. Maybe one should have thought about the consequences that some actions could cause, but I have learned that sometimes doing good produces bad results, and sometimes not doing the right thing produced the good results. It is difficult to believe this, but I can assure you that this is true, and this is what makes me sleep well at night. I am just being used, and at the same time I am using others to accomplish what I need to have in my life to make me happy.
This is not a one-way street, and everybody comes out getting what they came looking for. I get mine and most women will get theirs, and sometimes they will get a little more than what they bargained for. The main thing here is that in this game of deceit, two people will come out of it as winners, and since there always has to be a looser, then might as well be the third person in this triangle. Like the saying states: two is company and three is a crowd.
- NEVER LOOK BACK
Somebody once told me a story that was written in a book that described what happened to somebody’s wife when she turned around, and looked at what supposedly happened to a particular city. She was turned into stone. I don’t really know if this was a true story or not, but just in case I have had the philosophy of never looking back.
I is not because I wasn’t interested in how things maybe changed when I left the scene of the crime as one might sort of say, but it is just that my mind could only concentrate on moving forward. Looking back, one might realize that maybe one made a mistake or could have done something different. This would not be a good idea for me because I am a person that needs to not reflect on the things that I have done in the past. This sort of reflection might bring some sort of grief, and maybe some thoughts that are not really what I am looking for to haunt me for the rest of my life. My purpose is to come into a scene, do whatever I need to do, and then move on without having second thoughts. Who I hurt and what remains destroyed, or whether I have done something wrong or right isn’t something that should concern me. I have been asked to do something for others, and I do it and then when it is my time to move on, I move on.
I know that maybe things did not go as planned sometimes, and maybe some innocent people have suffered on account of my involvement in other people’s lives, but it was not my fault. I am very good at what I do, and the reason being is that I am always thinking about what my next move can be. I can’t look back, but must always be looking forward. This gives me the assurance that what I am doing right; now prepares me for what my next task is. Looking back is not moving forward. It is remembering something in the past, and this is not good for my self-esteem.
They say that one needs to reach for the sky, and not just go looking on the ground for the crumbs that others have left behind. The way I plan to do things is not the way that others might do it. They might plan and see all the alternatives there are, so that maybe not many innocent people will be hurt in the process. I don’t think this way, and this is why I am good at what I do best. I don’t care who gets hurt and who comes out smelling like flowers. As long as I come out of this like I came into it, then this is fine for me. I am only concerned about my well-being.
I have seen movies in which a plane barely escapes being destroyed by what is happening behind it. I don’t think that the pilot is looking through his rear view mirror seeing what he left behind. He must concentrate on what is ahead of him. He must be able to fly this plane through all the disaster that is going on around it. If this was not the case, then the plane would crash, and all the passengers would be killed. This is exactly what I do. I don’t have any passengers that I am taking with me because I am a one man show. I only have myself to take care of. I don’t care about saving anyone else except myself. This way it makes my job easier, because I can concentrate more fully on just one thing. Self-preservation and not making sure that others are okay. Looking out for oneself and not being concerned about the well-being of others.
You might think that this is being egotistic, but in reality this is the law of survival of the fittest. If I would be more concerned about others around me, then I would have to give something of myself to others. This would take something away from me, and this can’t happen if I am to come out of every relationship intact with making sure that I am all there ready for my next challenge. This is the only way; I know of how to prepare myself for the next task.
- A COUPLE OF TIMES I WAS ACCUSED OF BEING AN EVIL PERSON
Sometimes people will say whatever makes them feel good about what they are doing. When people supposedly think that they are a good person, this means that they are not concentrated in doing evil things. One doesn’t know what good is, unless they have something that they need to compare it with. There must exist evil in this world to know what good is. It is easy to accuse someone of doing something that maybe they don’t agree with as being evil. How can anyone judge me by my actions only? What does anybody know what the real reasons are why I am doing what I am doing?
Somebody in need associates with me to help them try to resolve some issues that they might be having with another person in their life. Okay, I agree that I don’t help men resolve their issues with their wives, but they should have been able to handle this situation by themselves. They are men and they should be able to find the solutions to most of their problems. The reason why my relationships have been with women is because they supposedly are the weaker sex. Even though it has been finally recognized that this is not the case, still most women are more sensitive than men. They feel more, and can easily be hurt, and taken advantage of.
Men can also be taken advantage of by women, but these are few and in between. Beautiful women are the ones that one has to keep an eye on because when they know what they want, nothing will stop them from achieving this. They will stop at nothing. They will eliminate and push to the side whomever they need to, so that they can accomplish this. I come into the scene, and I try not to associate that much with these types of women because they already know what they are after, and I have to be careful because they would even attack me if need be, if I would ever get in the way.
The temptation was there because I am a man, and have my own needs, and these women are a challenge to be able to conquer their loyalty. They are like a double edged sword in which one can truly get hurt, if one is not careful with one’s actions. I will try to find the ones that maybe don’t know what to do with their relationships, and I come into the scene with a solution to their problem.
Maybe in the beginning they might not like what my solution is, but eventually, when they feel more comfortable with my presence, they will agree that it is the only way to solve this problem. Sometimes, one has to try several methods because when one is not working the way it is supposed to function, then one must be able to change strategies. I am good at doing this because I can turn on a dime, and change directions at any point in this relationship. I could never be considered someone that is evil if what I am trying to accomplish is to help someone and also help myself. This can’t be all that bad. Somebody has to lose, and it is better for the one that I don’t know much about, except what she has told me about him. I can’t risk knowing that much about somebody else just in case I might start to sympathize with them, and then I will have to make a decision that I am not ready to make. I stick to my part of the bargain, and I require for the other part to stick to theirs.
When I am finished doing what I was supposed to do, then I move on and since I am dealing with adults, they can continue from this point on. Whether they separate, divorce, or come back together, is not my concern. I have accomplished my task.
- I AM GOOD AT TWISTING THE FACTS
It is not easy to do what I have learned to do. When somebody accuses you of doing something wrong, and you can use the right words and put them in the right order, so as to convince the accuser that it is the other way around, is an art. I have tried this many times, and it has worked every time. I was accused a couple of times that because I had come in the scene that this caused families to separate, and husbands to separate from their wives, and children to never talk to either one of them again. This mess supposedly was all caused by my coming into this picture. How wrong they all are because how can one person have caused all this grief? It would have taken several people, each doing their part to have been able to accomplish all of this. I couldn’t have done it all alone.
The truth is that this is exactly what I did. Because of me, in reality, I caused all of these things to happen. I didn’t take on this gigantic task all at once. I first started small by picking the one that was most vulnerable. Most of the time, they would be the women involved with me. Most of them were married, and either were having some sort of issues with their husbands, or they had already separated and each were living their own separate lives. Some relationships were at the point that maybe there was some type of hope that all of the things could begin to work out, but when I came into the picture I made sure that this would stop. I couldn’t come into a situation where I would not get the attention and treatment that I deserved. If a woman was divided in trying to make amends with her husband and at the same time taking care of me, I knew that this would not work out. I needed all of their attention or none. I could not play second fiddle to anyone. I did not want to be put on a shelf, and just in case things couldn’t be resolved with their husbands that they would come looking for me to save them.
They needed to make a choice before I even got involved with them. It was either me or him. It was not the other way around. When I was accused of being the one that was the wedge that had come between them, then I had to immediately twist the facts and put the blame on the woman, or the family, or friends, or even bring in the children. I could not just stand there being blamed for something that would expose my true intentions. I needed to invent whatever excuses came into my mind, and also lie about anything if I needed to. Nothing was left off the table for me to use in my defense. I could twist a lie into being a truth, and the other way around. My use of words was incredible; and I don’t even know from where they would come from. One lie could come out of my mouth after another, and I wouldn’t have to even think which were lies, and which were truth. I would just let one lie come after another, so that I would not be confused. They were thrown out so quickly and without thinking that the ones listening to me speak thought, that these could not be lies because I threw them out so quickly.
Most of the time, when someone is confronted with an accusation, they must think of what excuse they can come up with, so that it will convince someone that this is the truth knowing it is not. Those few seconds of thinking about what to say can give someone away, because if the truth would be known, then nobody has to think about what to say. To state a lie, takes just a couple of quick seconds to figure out what to say in one’s defense. I was so good at twisting the facts, that I didn’t have to think about what to say, because it was natural for me to lie all the time, and never have to worry about ever telling the truth.
- HOW LONG DID MOST OF MY RELATIONSHIPS LAST?
It is difficult to answer this question truthfully. I have not kept record of all the relationships that I have had, and what year they started, and when they ended. For sure, I know that none of them lasted less than one year. The reason being is that I am not a person that will just go and do my thing, and get it over as quickly as possible. What I do best, takes a little time to cook, because if too much heat was to be applied, maybe it would burn. I like for things to simmer for a while, so that everyone that is involved will not notice what I have been cooking all along.
Most people don’t have the patience to wait for the right time and check things out, so that I will not be noticed as the one in charge of this situation. Like I said in the beginning, I am the one that you will always find on the side of the game, and not in the middle of the action. I am the one that tries to remain in the shadow for as long as I can, and not try to expose my true intentions until the right time comes. Even then I will not expose my true intentions, otherwise things could backfire, and maybe they would come after me. I think that no relationship has lasted more than 4 years. The reason being is that everything after a while becomes routine, and the fun just seems to go away. The challenge is not as exciting any more. When things seem to become more stable, then I get bored quite fast. I need things to do, and plan on how some things can be done.
I need to constantly make sure that my goals are being met. I need to feed this fire that is in me with doing the things that I do best. I create hard feelings between all that are involved in this situation. The time that I spend with the person that I am having a relationship with, needs to always have the same excitement as when it started. Planning on how things can be done more smoothly, so that people can’t be aware of what really is going on takes time and effort, and also be able to change some plans if one sees that they are not accomplishing what they need to achieve. Sometimes, it takes some re-adjusting of some plans, so that things will flow smoothly. This takes some time, and it can’t be done from one day to another.
Doing this would cause others to know that something was not right with the way things were being done originally. The change must be done gradually, so that there are no red flags popping up. Like everything else that one does in this life when things are just being done for the heck of it the flavor just starts to become bland. The salt and pepper of the relationship just turns into a monotonous relationship. Things keep being repeated the same from one day to another. The excitement of doing something new fizzles away, and the fun and excitement starts to disappear. This is when I start to feel that this relationship needs a change. I am not one that likes things to become a routine. I get bored quite quickly, and I start to die. Not physically, but my mind starts to relax, and not continue to imagine and create things that I need to keep me alive.
When I can’t have a challenge on how to handle certain situations, then I feel that my true potential is not being used. I just become the ordinary person that I try so hard to portray to others. I don’t want to be that way. I don’t want to be satisfied with just being one of the many people in this world that just does what others are doing. I want to be doing things that make me feel special and different. I want to do things that make me feel like I am the leader of the pack, but showing to others that I am not.
This is my specialty, and this is how I can continue to deceive others. This is part of the game of deception.
- THE WAY THEY TREATED ME SHOWED HOW LITTLE THEY LOVED THEIR HUSBANDS
Some people are good at doing their juggling acts. They can show love for everyone, and have feelings for more than one person at a time. This is admirable because this shows how they truly feel on the inside, which is what some people rarely show on the outside. When I come into the picture, I require something from them, and that is that they treat me like I am princess charming that has arrived to save them. I can’t play second fiddle to anyone. It is either this way, or no way. No compromise. I do not force them to do this because I don’t want them to feel obligated to do this for me. This would lose its flavor and expose my plans.
A deceiver does just that. He makes one think that they want to do this for me. If one obligates them to do this, then the situation changes. I don’t want them to think that they have just let go of one relationship and have jumped in so quickly into another one. I want them to desire to treat me this way. I want it to come from them, and not because I require this. I want them to treat me like they have never treated anyone else before in their lives. I then will do my part to make them feel that they are flying, and not walking. I want them to feel free and this will cause them to treat me a certain way. If they have been in a relationship in which they didn’t feel this way, then I was their breath of fresh air. Their knight in shining armor. If they would have truly loved their husbands, then they wouldn’t have given me the time of day. They would have seen who I really was and what I was after. They would have taken off their blurry glasses and seen with clarity what my true intentions were.
They maybe knew this, but they didn’t show this to me by the way they treated me. The more they treated me the way that I deserved to be treated, the more it showed how little they loved their husbands. Some took the final leap and decided to divorce them, and some just decided to keep them on the side just in case. Some did some things that I don’t even want to share with anyone because it makes me feel privileged that I was not in these men’s shoes. I didn’t feel sorry for them because if they were stupid to have fallen to their tricks, then they deserved it. Maybe they felt that they were still in love with these women, and didn’t know how to let go and move one. Poor suckers because they maybe saw this coming, but preferred to remain blind.
Their loss was my gain. As long as they treated me the way I deserved to be treated, is all that mattered to me. I can’t fix anything, and I don’t want to extend my commitment beyond what I am willing to put into a relationship. I can only do so much or else, I would have to waste my precious time doing something that I didn’t want to do. My purpose in this life was to be treated the way I deserved to be treated, and that was all. How these women treated their husbands was their problem, and not mine. If they loved them less was up to them and not up to me. If what I have done made them love them less, then maybe it was meant to be this way.
I can only control my actions and not tell others what they need to do. The less that I talk, the better it is for me. If I am being treated the way I want to be treated, then it is not my problem but theirs. I don’t ask for much, but have received a lot, and this seems to work just fine for me. Let others solve their own problems; and leave me out of it because it is none of my business.
- NEVER GO BACK AND TRY TO FIX SOMETHING
The first rule in trying to fix something that maybe one has done wrong is to admit that one has either made a mistake, or that one did not act appropriately with regards to certain situations that have occurred in one’s life. This most likely means that the truth must be told, and this is something that will bring one into an area of one’s life that one does not want to walk in. This means that all the things that were not true, and all the things that were said that were not true must be set straight. This is why it is easier to just continue with a lie, and see how far one can take it.
Trying to go back and fix something with another lie will not stand the test of time. Like I have mentioned before, it is better to just keep moving forward. To never look back and see what is still left standing. Never stop what one is doing, and go back, and try to fix anything. Leave things as they are. If they are standing, then that is fine. If some things have been destroyed, let it be. If one can go back and fix something, don’t do it. Let some things fix themselves if they can and others just let them be. Life is not perfect; and some things can’t be fixed even by telling the truth. Might as well continue on this journey, and see what is waiting ahead instead of having to stop and go back.
This is also another thing that happens when one has to stop and do this. One is not continuing to do what one has to do. One has to interrupt their plans and not move forward. Normally in this life some people do that, so that they feel at peace that if they were to look back, they would see the things that they left intact. For me, I already can sense what things I have not left intact. I know what things maybe I have helped destroy. I know what things I have done, and not done for others and myself. My purpose in this life is not to build up and leave things better than how I found them. Maybe some people are meant to do this, but not me. I am here to do my thing. Help some people accomplish what they think they want to achieve. If they don’t know what that is, I will help them with this. I have had plenty of experience doing this with others. I will use my expertise in putting all my effort into helping them out, so that I am helping myself in this process.
I can destroy things that maybe they were not meant to be destroyed. I can help put things together knowing that this will not be for the long term. I can’t build anything permanent, because my goal in this life is not to do this. Nothing lasts forever, and since I know this, I take advantage of making sure that this doesn’t happen. I have more control over people’s lives than most think that I do. This is what makes me an expert in what I know best how to do. I can fool even the most cautious ones. The ones that distrust and also have trusted me. I was born with this natural ability, and now I have been able during these last years to become an expert at what I do and enjoy the most. Seeing things that maybe could have been fixed, but because of my getting involved made things worse is something that puts a smile on my face.
I knew beforehand that this was not going to work, and figuring this out in reality has helped someone wake up and smell the coffee. Maybe I should receive some sort of praise for having accomplished this. I can truthfully say that I have received this, and maybe not the sort of praise that others would expect. The inner satisfaction of knowing that I had something to do with this is unexplainable. This is why for me fixing things is not my cup of tea. Making sure that things can’t be fixed is what gives me the greatest pleasure. This is why I never go back.
- I HAVE NEVER BEEN PHOTOGRAPHED WITH WHOM I AM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH
I have also made myself a promise since the day when I started to do what I felt that I needed to do with my life. If a person is to maintain themselves in the shadows and never come to light, then there is one thing that one must never forget. A person’s picture should never show up together with the person that one is having a relationship with or her family, relatives, and friends. The reason being is that this world is very small sometimes. When one least expects it they can run into some people that they happen to know.
If your picture is taken, and is shown to others whether that be showing them personally using your phone, or having a photo album, or even using social media, then someone someplace might recognize my face. They might start putting two and two together, and maybe realize what I am really doing in all of these different relationships. They might even happen to know someone that I had been involved several years ago, and then make that famous phone call that would expose what I have been doing all of these years. I also need to admit that I have not used the same name every time when I have been involved with someone. Most desperate women don’t even bother to have me checked out because of the stories that I have told them about myself. How this relationship has changed my life and how others have taken advantage of me, closes the deal all of the time. Making myself look like the victim, and how unfair life has treated me works its charm every time.
Having my picture taken with someone could expose me, and maybe have the light shine on my dealings. I prefer to remain in the dark. Out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. I can weave my web better that way. If by accident this might have happened in the past, immediately I would find whatever excuse to convince them that I didn’t want my picture shown. I can’t remember how many excuses I have used, but they must have been good ones because they worked each time. Some of them always wanted to show me off to their friends, even though I had told them that I was timid, and shy, and didn’t associate with people that well. They wanted to show them how simple and sweet, and honest that I was with them, and that even though my good looks did not stand out most of them weren’t looking for that because they had been there and done that.
They had married handsome men, and had other relationships with some that were loaded with money, but the end result was always that same. The romance died quite quickly, and what they had was someone that they felt that they had to continue to be with them, and satisfy their needs or else, they could just hit the road Jack. This was sort of a prison for them, and when I would come into their lives it was as though I was riding on a white horse ready to rescue the damsel in distress. This procedure worked quite well, and also the words that came out of my mouth at the right time always closed the deal. When maybe the family would take a picture all together, I would be the one pushing the button. When they were all there smiling for the camera, I was the one they were smiling at.
This made me feel like I was doing something for them, and not for myself. This might have been the only time I ever felt this way. Good thing that this Kodak moment would only last a few seconds. Then it was back to normal and continue as planned. I didn’t want this routine to continue this way because it would distract me from my real intent. Good thing that I don’t believe in a higher power because I know what people saw was not the whole true picture. It made me laugh sometimes, but I needed to stick to this system because my life is not a normal one that maybe most would like to live. It does has its perks because there is never a dull moment, and always something new that comes around each bend. This is why I love what I do best; and there is nothing that will change the way I am, and want to continue to be.
- I CAN MAKE BEST FRIENDS BECOME WORST ENEMIES
The best relationships that I love to remember are the ones where several women were involved. Nobody is an island, and every woman always has other friends that they have confided in what has been happening with their marriage. They then try to counsel each other with advice on how to handle their situation. Some might suggest getting a divorce, others might suggest that one should have patience and that one should never lose hope and do whatever they feel they need to do to save this marriage.
Others may suggest other things, and this causes friendships to become stronger and sometimes this helps to not concentrate on the main problem all of the time. They become best friends, and seem to want to share whatever they are going through with this group of women or just one woman. When I come into this picture, some might start to become jealous because they might feel that I have come to break this friendship. This is the challenging part of this whole situation. I could not have this woman share her loyalty with someone else. I did not want to be put into second place. I needed to be their number one concern or nothing. They needed to satisfy my needs, and not share them with anyone else.
My strategy was to act very cautiously. I couldn’t just come in a break this relationship between them. This would make me look like I was the one that was causing this. I could not permit this. What I would do was to become friends of all of them. I would talk to all and show that I was interested in what was happening to her other friends. I would then try to show more interest in what they were telling me, rather than just pay attention to the one that I was having a relationship with. This would cause a little bit of jealousy, and when everybody would leave, I would apologize for my behavior, and would assure her that I was just being friendly. I just wanted to be friends with everyone, and I would assure her that my main interest would only be how I could help her with her situation only. This would calm the water, and things would go back to normal. When another encounter would occur, I would do the same things that I had done before. I would act like I wasn’t paying attention to what she was concerned about before. This would create true jealousy, and when we were alone, I would just suggest that it was not my fault because they were asking for my help, and were paying attention to what I was telling them.
I would blame it on her friends that they wanted to have me help them. This would cause her to not want to get together with them anymore, so as to avoid this situation in the future. I would agree with her, and when they found this out, then they turned around and started to attack me as the one that wanted this friendship to end. This would cause her to defend me because they were attacking me, and she could not permit this. She wanted to protect me at all cost. This would cause her to accuse them of trying to lure me away from her. They would end this friendship by becoming enemies instead of friends. They would say all sorts of words to each other, and I would just sit there and enjoy hearing those words of accusations. They would bring up things that had occurred in the past, and that would add more wood to the fire. In the end, I had made best friends feel like they were the worst enemies.
Now, I was ready to have her all to myself, and do whatever I wanted to do with her because I was the only friend she had left.
- CHILDREN ARE A PAIN IN THE BUTT
This was the only word that I could think of, that best describes how I feel about them. I have and will never have any children of my own. I don’t know for sure if I have left any woman pregnant after I decided to leave. I don’t know if they decided to keep the child, or do something about it. The reason why I don’t like these creatures, is because one has to dedicate some of their precious time to teach them and take care of their needs when they can’t do it themselves.
I totally understand that at one time I was one of these, but that was in the past, and I wasn’t asked about coming into this world or not. I was forced to be a child, to learn to do things that I was taught, and I also understand that somebody took care of my needs until I could do them myself. This doesn’t mean that I need to do the same for others. This is the choice that I have made because I am not good at teaching others some of the things that they need to learn.
I don’t want to share my knowledge with anyone, and I don’t care if anybody looks up to me or not. I do my thing. They can also do their things. I don’t have feelings to share with somebody else, except myself. I don’t even share my feelings with the one the supposedly I am having a relationship with. Even though, they might think that I do care, in reality I don’t give a crap about how somebody is feeling. The trick to this is to show that one cares, but in reality one doesn’t. This takes time and being certain of what one is looking for in a relationship. One stays firmly on this path and one will accomplish this. If one gets distracted, then one can risk the opportunity presented to them, and maybe even risk being exposed.
Children always get sick, and they need to be taken care of. One needs to spend money, so that they can have what they need, and then have the patience to know what to do when they don’t obey your orders. I say orders because I don’t know what else to call it. When somebody wants someone else to do something and they don’t it, then one must take some form of action. Hitting them, supposedly, is not the right way of doing this, but I don’t know how to talk to these children that won’t understand what you are saying to them. I am not good about talking to other adults because for me, it is waste of time. I don’t want to share with anyone what I do and know. I don’t care about what others think or do. Since my main interest in this life is just to take care of my own needs, this does not leave room to do other things for others. I don’t need a kid to look up to me for guidance or care. It makes me nervous when somebody is looking at me because I don’t know what they want or are thinking. These little kids sometimes don’t know how to express themselves. Maybe, they are waiting for me to help them with something, and I don’t want to do this. This will distract me from what my goals are, and I can’t afford to waste any time doing something for somebody else.
If these kids happen to belong to the one that I am having a relationship with, then things are even worse. I had nothing to do with bringing them into this world, and I will have absolutely no feelings for them. They belong to others, and not me. I don’t want to have a relationship with a woman to bring any children into this world. I only do this because I enjoy these moments that I am having with another human being.
I don’t want any residue that will remain after this relationship is over.
- SINCE I DON’T BRING ANYTHING INTO A RELATIONSHIP, I LEAVE WITH NOTHING
You might think that this is not true, and I am just inventing this. The only thing that bring into a relationship is what one sees with their eyes. They might think that I bring some sort of feelings like loving and caring, but I don’t. I don’t really care about other people’s feelings, and what the end results will be when it is my time to leave. I come in and do my thing, and I leave, and don’t have to clean up any mess that maybe was left behind. I feel that since I didn’t have anything to do with creating this situation, then why should I be held responsible with how it ends. I only bring what I want to bring; and it is only superficial. I don’t care who I hurt or help. I don’t have any attachment with anyone.
When people go into a relationship, they will each bring to the table what they feel they need to bring there. The man might bring his financial means, so as to demonstrate to the other person that he is willing to take care of her needs quite well. The woman might bring her nurturing capabilities to demonstrate that she is willing to give of herself to take care of the other person’s needs. She might consider herself to be a good cook, and she will do whatever it will take to make sure that her partner is well taken care of. She might bring her experiences with dealing with certain situations, so that when things don’t go so smoothly in the relationship, then she can step up and make sure that they can go through these rough spots, and continue on the road that they have both decided to travel on. There are other things that she can bring to the table and I just wanted to mention just a few. If for some reason things don’t seem to work out, then there is some sort of residue that remains from this relationship.
Sometimes, it could just be a friendship that will last forever, or sometimes it could be these hard feelings towards each other because of maybe a betrayal. Something will remain if somebody brought something to this table. This is why I don’t bring anything into the relationship, so that I can make a clean exit when it is my time to move on. If I didn’t do it this way, then I would be leaving all of these things behind, and not be able to clean up so easily once I have left the relationship. I could be leaving some feelings behind that might haunt me someday when I might have an opportunity of reflecting what I have done with my life. I might have left something that I might regret at a future date when all the smoke clears, and people see what I have really done with other people’s lives. If I leave no tracks for others to follow, then they will never be to figure out what I have done.
Bring nothing to the table, so that one can leave without stirring too much ruckus is what I have decided to do with my relationships. This will leave behind a clean cut with no mess to clean up. Well at least, I don’t know of any that I have had to clean up. It is not my problem, so I don’t have to look back and see what damage might have been done. Come in, clean, and one can leave clean. Come in with extra baggage, and one can’t just leave it all behind. One has to carry some of it out. It has not been so easy to have done it this way, but it is the best way that I have learned has worked for me. I can then just look forward and see what my next project will be. If in the future things will change, then I will have to deal with this when it happens.
For the time being, I will continue to do what has worked pretty well for me so far.
- MY SPECIALTY IS TO SEPARATE NOT UNITE
Some people might like to do the opposite. That is them, and this is me. Anybody can sometimes try to unite things that maybe have been broken or separated. Anybody can find words that would make others reflect on maybe what they have done wrong, and try to fix some things that need fixing. A true master of deceit is one that can be seen by others to be trying to fix some things that have been broken, but in reality their purpose is to not do this. This is why I have said that this was my specialty.
Making it look like I was there to help unite, but in reality, I was there to make sure that this would not happen is what makes me feel like I am the king of the jungle. I am going to share a couple of experiences that I have had the pleasure of having gone through. I will always come into the scene as one with saying just a few word of comfort like: “You don’t deserve to be treated this way” or maybe: “I wish that I can be of help to make you feel again that you are still special”. There are a lot more sayings that I can write down but I just wanted to let you know what some of my words would be.
I would sometimes attack the one that maybe was causing them to feel that maybe, it was their fault. I would, most of the time, try to make them feel that they didn’t deserve to be going through what they were going through, and also that they were somebody special. This would make them feel at ease that I was not there to take advantage of them like maybe they had been before. This would make them drop their natural guard, and feel relaxed to know that somebody could see the “real” them, and was there to help them, and not take advantage of the situation that they had gotten themselves into. This way they might even look at me as the one capable of trying to fix this situation, and maybe save their marriage or their relationship.
My plan would always work because this meant that I could almost do and say whatever I wanted to, and they would go along with my plans. I had them twisted around my finger, and they didn’t even know this. This was a complete feeling of pleasure knowing this. Having someone think that I was there to do something, and in reality it was the complete opposite of what they thought. This is deception at its max. This is what I had always wondered about, and never knew the pleasure it gave one until one tries this out for the first time.
Since I have tried this many times, then I can assure you that the feeling remains the same as the first high that anybody has had when using drugs. Unlike using drugs where the first high will never come back again, this is not so with this type of deceit. It keeps coming back with the same force over and over again. This is why I have had so many relationships. It is because it is always the same even though it is with different women and different situations.
Being able to separate without somebody knowing what I am helping to do, and making them think that sometimes I am doing this to unite, is the ultimate deception there is in the book. Making others think one thing that is definitely the opposite is something that doesn’t come natural for anyone. It takes practice and having this inner feeling of not caring about anybody’s feelings. Doing what I am supposed to be doing, and then not having to look back, and only moving forward is something that not anybody can easily do without at some point in time being able to reflect on what somebody has done to others.
- I WOULD ALWAYS TELL MY VICTIMS THAT IT WAS NOT THEIR FAULT
I have learned to always say this to the ones that feel that maybe they had something to do with their relationships falling apart like they had. They would, sometimes, remember some of the things that they had done and maybe thought that it was their fault that these things happened to them. They would accept some of the blame for maybe not having tried hard enough to resolve certain issues. They sometimes, felt that they should have loved the person more, and had a little bit more compassion for what they were going through, and tried to maybe forgive, and forget some of the words that were said while they were arguing.
I assured them that it was not their fault; and that the other one was to blame for everything that had happened in their marriage. I could feel that a big weight was being lifted from their conscience, and this guaranteed me that they really appreciated these words that came out of my mind. Maybe, I didn’t truly believed what I had just said to them because it does take two to tango, but as long as they felt good about what I had just said to them, this is what really mattered to me. I didn’t care about trying to reconstruct relationships, only trying to tear them down. Whatever words I needed to say that would accomplish this is what would come out of my mouth. I would try to make the other person take all of the blame for having this relationship end this way. I would call them whatever name I could think of so that the victim would continue to think that she was the victim in all of this. I would justify whatever actions that she had done in the past, and was going to do to get this guy out of her life, and leave her alone to do whatever she felt that she needed to do with her life.
For sure, I would make sure that I was going to be part of it, and by defending her actions I would be guaranteed a place being made for me in her life. This was my goal, and this was the reason why I would say these words to her. This would always work its charm, and this made me feel that I was accomplishing my objectives. Get this guy out of her life, and leave room for me to come in riding on a white horse ready to save this damsel. By redirecting the blame on him, then she could feel at ease that she had done the right thing. Knowing this, she would feel free to live life like she felt that she deserved to live it. She could be herself and enjoy the things that she wanted out of this life. Knowing that it was not her fault released her from feeling the guilt that normally comes, when relationships start to break up.
One tries to blame the other for what is happening, but at some point in time, one might look in the mirror, and maybe see that they had something to do with this. My duty was to not have them look in the mirror, and just look forward to what this new freedom was going to provide to them. They could be free from the responsibility of having to live in a relationship that they were not totally happy with. They could be free from feeling the guilt that maybe they needed to have done more to not have let this happen. They could be free to truly enjoy this new relationship that they could have with me, even though it was not going to last for a long time. They knew this, and maybe knew that they were getting out of one hole, and getting themselves into another one that was maybe deeper than the first one. It was going to be something new and exciting, and this led them to continue on this path that I assured them that I wasn’t going to treat them like their previous husband’s had.
I had to keep this promise that I made to them, and I did.
- I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IS TRUE
I know what I want to know. I don’t want anybody telling me that what I know is wrong or right. What I believe in is the truth whether it is or not. I can say this because I know it. Nobody has to tell me what the truth is because I know what it is. You might think that I am bragging when I say this, but I am just stating the truth. I must be right, and everybody else must be wrong. What I do is the right thing; and if somebody thinks differently then, that is their problem and not mine. How do I know what is true or not? I just know it. I can sense it. Nobody has told something to me that I don’t already know.
I have not lived many years of this earth, but I have learned so many things that others need to learn from me, and not the other way around. I have not been taught what I know because I just know it. I have been able to witness many things that I have just been part of, and I was aware of what was going on even though others were not. I am not like the others that they want to investigate to search for the truth. This is waste of time and most of the time, they won’t know if what they discovered is true or not. Instead of doing this, they can just believe whatever they want to believe and consider it to be truth.
This has been my way of handling things, even though maybe, I was not sure of it. I just told myself that what I knew was right, and that even if the rest of the world didn’t believe me, then it was their problem, and not mine. I had the right to believe whatever I wanted to believe in, and this has worked for me quite well for many years. If others feel uncomfortable with this, then that is their problem. What I believe is what is true, and what I don’t believe in doesn’t exist. I don’t want to waste my precious time trying to find out what is truth. I know it, and that is good enough for me. You want to waste your time trying to find this out, that is your problem, and not mine.
Nobody in this world can convince me that I am wrong, and this way I can feel at ease knowing this. I don’t have to worry about anybody else’s opinion about something, because I am not concerned about knowing anything that I don’t already know. My cup of knowledge is full, and what is inside is what I am comfortable with. I don’t have to worry about anything else, except living and doing the things that I want to do. I am not concerned if others think that I am doing the right thing or not. That is their problem, and not mine. As long as I am convinced that I am doing the right thing, then all else doesn’t matter.
What others think or know is none of my concern. If I want to look at the sky and think that it looks red to me, then this is what I will believe. If the rest think that it looks blue, then let them believe it because I won’t change my mind. When I know something is true, then my mind is set in stone, and nobody can change what I believe in. Others might prefer to be open, but I feel more comfortable to remain closed. My mind has shut its doors, and what I have learned so far is good enough for me. I still might have a few more years to live, but my wanting to know more has gone out of me. I am totally content with what I have learned and am not interested in knowing more.
Some people that I have known have tried to show me what I might have done wrong in my life, but I just shut them out and eliminated them from my life. I don’t want anybody to tell me that I might have made some mistakes in my life. This is up to me to realize or not this fact. If I don’t admit to having believed in something that might not have been true, then that is my problem, and not theirs. What I know is true, and this fact satisfies me.
- I DON’T HAVE A NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY
I don’t have an inflated sense of importance, or a need for admiration, or a lack of empathy for others. This does not describe me at all. I don’t want people to put me on a pedestal. I don’t want to be noticed or appreciated for having done what I have done with others. I don’t need a pat on the back. I do have a lack of empathy for others, but most people in this world are this way.
I am telling these things that I have done to others because I need to be admired by others for the way I have handled most situations. Some people do things, so that others can admire how smart and intelligent they are. They do things for others, but not for the right reasons. They want to receive praise and admiration for all the good things that they have done in their lives. They are only doing this for that purpose. They don’t care about other people’s feelings, but their own. This is what I would consider one that is a narcissist. Well maybe looking at it this way I might have some cells in my body that are narcissistic. Maybe more than just a few, but not all of them are this way.
I guess the most important thing in this life is to admit that maybe one is a certain way, and if they are not happy with being this way, then they should change. This is not me because I am just happy the way that I am. I don’t have to ask permission from anyone to do what I want to do. I am a smooth talker; and maybe some people have admired how I do handle certain situations, but I don’t let it get to my head. I didn’t ask for it, but I got it without really trying.
If I lack empathy for others it is because they don’t care about me either. If they don’t have feelings towards me, then why should I have some towards them? I don’t have the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I supposedly wasn’t born with this ability to do this. If I see somebody that is not feeling too good, I can’t seem to sympathize with them. I might go up to them, and ask them if there is anything that I can do for them, but this feeling doesn’t come from inside of me, but just out of my mouth. If I see someone crying, I might go there and try to comfort them, but these actions are only external because I don’t know what they are going through, and I don’t care.
Some people might want to try and help them, but not me. I, maybe, would like to be concerned, but I just can’t find it in me to do this. I am just trying to be honest with my feelings and not beat around the bush. All of the relationships that I have been involved in have been the same. I would jump in, and do what supposedly I wanted to do, and when this was accomplished, then I would just move on. I never did things so that I could be put on a pedestal, and people would point to me, and admire all of my accomplishments, because I have none.
I just wanted to stay in the shadows and do my things without creating waves. I just wanted to weave my web without others noticing what I was doing. This way I could accomplish whatever I wanted to achieve without being noticed by anyone. Some did notice me, but I didn’t attract the attention on purpose, so that they wouldn’t be concentrating on me so much. I get nervous when people are concentrating on what I am trying to do, and this is because I don’t want the attention on me. I just want to stay in the background, and I think that because I feel more comfortable doing this, then for sure, I could not be called a narcissist. It is important for people to be careful what one calls another because they don’t really know all of the situations. I don’t do this, and nobody else should do this either. I deserve the respect that I think that I certainly deserve.
- I COME IN WHEN THE FRUIT IS RIPE FOR THE PICKING
Some people feel that they need to do whatever it takes to enjoy what life has to offer to them by doing the right things. This is not my philosophy. Why have to waste time doing what others feel they need to do, if one can just come right at dinner time, and just sit down, and enjoy a meal without having had anything to do with the preparations beforehand.
Considering oneself to be an invited guest is what I have always felt that I was. I didn’t barge into a relationship and acted like I came to resolve everyone’s issues. I made it look like I was needed, and that is when I would come into it to apparently save the day. I would always go to places where I could see these women talking with other people, and even though I didn’t know what they were talking about, I just sat there and observed what was going on. I would look at their hand gestures, and look at their eyes, and see if, maybe, once in a while, one would get emotional. This meant that they were spilling out what they were feeling on the outside. Then, I could also see some friend give them a hug, and then I knew what this person needed the most.
First, they needed someone that would listen to what they had to say. Then, they needed someone to sympathize with them and agree that they had some issues to resolve. If the issue had something to do with their relationship with someone, then I could also observe how maybe her friends would talk to her and from what I could see, give her some sort of advice. By nodding her head and listening to what they had to say meant that she was agreeing with what they were telling her. I, then, sort of knew when maybe it would my cue for me to butt in and put my two bits in. I am not going to mention the different approaches that I have used to accomplish this, but the only thing that I can say is that if the timing was right, and most of the time it was, it didn’t take much for me to be accepted as part of the group. Once in the door, I would act like I knew exactly what they were talking about, and they would think that I had a crystal ball.
They weren’t aware that I had been observing them for quite a while, and had waited for the right opportunity to join them. I would then give them a man’s viewpoint always concentrating on blaming the guys, and making them look like they were the innocent victims of all of this. I wasn’t pointing all of my guns towards the one that supposedly was having the issues, so as to not make it look like I was there to save her. Once, I got the attention from her friends, then they would ask me what my opinion was about their friend’s situation. I would carefully listen to what they had to say about her situation, and when I felt the time was right, I would then focus all of my attention to her problem.
Nobody suspected of me having planned all of this from the beginning, and then I could spin my web and do whatever I wanted to do with my prey. They would consider me to be the knight in shining armor that had arrived to save their friend, instead of the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing. I could then use my charm to lure her into web, so that I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to do with her.
No wasting my time watering the tree and pulling out the weeds, but just picking the fruit that was just ripe, and ready to enjoy the sweetness that it had to offer to the one that truly deserved this.
- I AM A PARACHUTER
I was called this name by someone; and I couldn’t figure out why they would choose to call me this. Then I realized what they meant by calling me this name. I was given an example of someone throwing a private party, and in the middle of it, someone comes floating down from the sky in a parachute. The people there are looking at each other to see if anyone knows who this person is, but they don’t recognize him. They, then, try to decide what to do with him because they don’t know what to do. They ask him to kindly leave, and go back to where he came from, but he points up into the sky and tells them that there is no way he can go back to where he came from. If he would have come walking down the road and decided to join this party, then it would have been a different story, because he could just go back to where he had come from, and continue down the road. He came from the sky, and he can’t just return to the sky.
Since this can’t be possible, then they might just let him stay there and join the party even though nobody knows who this person is and he wasn’t invited to join them. He most likely is not dressed appropriately, but they can’t force him to just go home and change, and come back. He, for sure, didn’t do his share with either bringing something to this party, or helping to organize it. If he didn’t come prepared, then most likely he didn’t bring any money, so that he could pay his portion of the expenses. He probably would also become the center of everybody’s attention because some people would want to know how he arrived here at this private party without being invited. He would remain at this party and just enjoy the benefits without having paid the price or having been invited to attend. He most likely would be considered a freeloader, and maybe people would think that maybe, he had done this before on purpose.
This could be his way of butting into something that was none of his business and enjoying the perks without having paid the price. Coming in just in time to pick the ripe fruit without having paid the price of taking care of the tree, so that it could produce this fruit. Forcing others to just live with the fact that he is now there in the middle of them, and enjoying this party without having been invited to participate in these festivities. Others might have chosen to just excuse themselves, and just pick up their parachute, and start to walk to the exit, so that they would not interrupt with this party. This particular parachuter will not do this because he feels comfortable where he is at.
He doesn’t care about how others are feeling about his presence and why he is there acting like he was invited to this party, knowing quite well that he wasn’t. He doesn’t care about how other people feel about him being there. He only cares about his own wellbeing, and doesn’t care if he has crashed the party or the atmosphere has changed because of his presence there. He only cares about himself having a good time and enjoying all of these free things that he doesn’t deserve to have others share with him. I guess this word describes my actions perfectly with some of the situations that I was involved with. I was not this way all of the time, but most times it was definitely this way.
You need to remember also that most of the times I was asked to come into a situation to help accomplish some things that without my help, they would have never been accomplished, so most of the time this word did not describe my actions.
- I ACT LIKE A LOST ANIMAL THAT NEEDS TENDER LOVING CARE
I had a friend that mentioned to me that to be able to get women to go after him, he had decided to go out and buy a puppy dog. The interesting thing is that he doesn’t much care about raising an animal; and he confided in me that when they are older, he just goes and returns them to a shelter for somebody else to adopt them or take care of them. Then, he gets another puppy, takes it home, and repeats the same process. He told me that women go crazy for men that seem to have a heart to these small adorable defenseless animals. They always think that they are so cute; and it seems to provide the key to enter these women’s lives. Once in there, then one can be their usual self and proceed as planned.
I decided to be different than them, and instead of going out and adopting one of these puppies, I decided to be one. Act like a lost animal that is just looking for someone to take care of them and provide them with their needs. This has worked like a charm with some women, and I think that I will continue to use this approach more often. They see me as someone that has been taken advantage of, and they want to come to my rescue and provide me with whatever comfort that I need to cure my wounds. They will pamper me and want to do anything, so that this injustice that supposedly has been done to be can be taken care of. They will give me all sorts of gifts, so that they feel that they are doing their “Joan of Arc” duty to save me. They are using their motherly nurturing abilities to also take care of my needs, like supposedly they did for their own children.
I don’t mind this sort of attention because this is what I am looking for. Just like an animal that one finds out on the streets and wants to provide them with milk and food, and they will always come back for more, the same goes with me. The difference is that I don’t leave, but stay right where I want to be at. I am not just satisfied with getting the milk and the food that I need for my body, but also the attention that I so crave for my soul. Don’t get me wrong because I don’t believe that there is anything waiting for us after this life, but I just wanted to use this word because many people refer to what is the deepest part of their body using this word. What this means is that I just don’t want things to satisfy my bodily needs, but also something to satisfy my inner emotions.
Finding my own way to not just my foot in the door, but my whole body makes me realize how much of a genius I really am to have thought of this idea. I don’t have to waste money having to adopt an animal, and I don’t need to share the attention either. This way, I can receive all of the attention. My needs can be met, and I can enjoy the pampering and special care that I deserve to have. I realize that maybe, I should not have shared this system that has worked quite well for me, but like I have stated earlier I don’t mind if someone else copies and uses my ideas. They have worked quite well for me, and since there are plenty of fish in the water out there, I might as well help others accomplish what they maybe need in their lives.
I can’t do this on my own, and I have had my share of relationships, and might as well invite others to join me at this feast. This is too much for just one person to handle all of this.
I can imagine that there are plenty of us out there doing their thing, and maybe they don’t want to share their techniques with anyone. For me, I don’t care because I have had enough of my share, and I don’t have any problems bragging about what I have done.
- HAVING FEELINGS FOR ANOTHER PERSON IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME
I can still remember the days when I was not like this. The days when I truly cared about what somebody else felt. If I saw someone that was sad, I would try to go and see what was happening to them. I wanted to help them feel better, and sometimes it worked. I was, sometimes, thanked for what I had done for them. Maybe, it wasn’t such a big deal, but they felt that I took the time to go and see what was happening to somebody else. I did feel a sense of accomplishment that I had done something good for somebody else.
I can’t remember when I started to change, and decided that I needed to only care about myself. I don’t think that I felt this way from one day to another. It must have been a gradual process, because I can’t recall when all of this started to change in me. When I realized that I just didn’t care about anybody else’s feeling anymore, and it just felt natural. It didn’t feel strange that this had happened to me. It felt that, maybe, this was my true nature all along, and what I was doing before didn’t quite fill the spot. I seemed to feel more at home by being this way, and not the way I was before. I guess that I could have continued to be like most people in this world are supposed to be, but this “new” me felt good. This new outer skin didn’t feel strange; and I felt more comfortable in it, than I had before. I had, maybe, truly found my true self, and what I was doing before got replaced with this feeling.
Having more feelings for me and not the other way around is what made me complete. It made me feel more like somebody cared about me. Even though it was not somebody else by myself, this felt good. Maybe, I lacked the love that most people crave, and so if it doesn’t come from somebody else, then might as well come from within. This feeling that I needed to care about my needs is more than the needs of others. How I felt mattered most to me than how others felt. Making me feel good was going to be my ultimate goal from now on. Doing what made me feel what I needed to feel was my number one priority. Having feelings for other people was fine for others, but not for me.
Sometimes, I would hear about them being let down by the ones that should have appreciated more about what they had done for others made me feel that I didn’t want to be in their shoes. I felt that they had been tricked into thinking that it was better to give than to receive, but I realized that this was not true. It was better for me to receive than to give. If I were to have feelings for someone else and then they would let me down, then I would not be able to handle this disappointment. I don’t want to take the chance of this happening to me, so I didn’t even want to go there. I wanted to just concentrate on what my needs were; and this would guarantee me that I would not be let down. I would never abandon myself and do something that would make me feel bad. I couldn’t trust anybody that would not do the same. I could only trust myself, and this is why my feelings were mine, and I could not share them with anyone.
I knew of people that had feelings for others, and they were taken advantage of, and let down, and some, ultimately, couldn’t handle it, and decided to terminate their lives early. Some thought that theirs was a coward’s way out, but having your heart broken by somebody is one of the most terrible things that can happen to someone. When one trusts another with their own lives, and they are taken advantage of this is something that I could never go through, and still remain in one piece. This is why this would be the worst thing to happen to me, and it would be the end of my life. This is why under no situation, I would ever have any feelings for another person. I don’t want my life to end the same way other people’s lives must have ended.
- I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF JUST BEING A FREELOADER
Since the official definition is a person who takes advantage of others’ generosity without giving anything in return doesn’t describe me, then these husbands that have accused me of being this are wrong. One of the excuses mostly used by these jealous husbands is that, maybe, their ex or current wives are having an affair with a freeloader. If only they knew that I have not taken advantage of anyone that has offered to pay me for my services, then I could prove them to be wrong about their accusations.
I have never asked anyone to do this for me. They have automatically volunteered to do this. They know about my economic situation, and they just want to share their wealth with me. They even have used some of the money, or the perks that belonged to their husbands. I have never had to ask because they have been offered to me. This is not my fault. I would offer to do my share, but when they would realize that I didn’t have much to offer, they would beat me to the draw. They wanted to show their generosity to me, and why was I going to burst their bubble by not accepting what they willingly wanted to offer to me? This would have been rude of me; and I have tried to be fair with what I want and am willing to live with. I have never wanted to live in a mansion, even though I have for a short while.
I have never wanted to drive some fancy and expensive cars, even though I have for a while. I don’t have fancy clothes that I wear even though I could have asked for them. If you look at me, I don’t attract much attention from anyone, and this is the way I prefer to continue to be. I don’t want the attention to be on me.
For these reasons and many more, I don’t consider myself to be a freeloader. I also have given much in return to the things that I have received. I have helped in whichever way I have been asked to help. I have been a companion to those that needed one. I have been their lover and soul mate when asked. I have been the sword that was used to drive their ex-husbands crazy and jealous sometimes. I might have also been used to have done other things to them, but that I am not sure and I don’t want to know what they were. I have been there when needed me, and didn’t concentrate on just doing “my” thing.
Well in reality, it was “my” thing, but they didn’t know this, and this is what mattered the most. I could be the one that they wanted me to be. Whatever was required from me, I gave. I think that this definitely puts an end to this name calling. If they gave me money, it didn’t mean that I needed to give them some back. I could have paid them back with “favors”, and that would have been the same. Maybe, I could not provide them what their previous husbands provided them, but now that they had what they wanted, they didn’t need them anymore. They got what they needed in this life, and so it was maybe time to use the “out with the old and in with the new” type of mentality. I just helped them achieve what they wanted to achieve, and it always worked quite well. They got what they wanted, and I for sure got what I was looking for. It always worked quite well for the both of us. If others suffered, then it was their fault, and not ours. We were a team, and each defended each other, even though it was more like I looked after myself, and others would defend me at all cost.
Hopefully, I have clarified what some of these husbands and relatives have called me, and now you realize that this was not true; and they just wanted to break up this relationship that was going on between two consenting adults. One should just stay out of somebody else’s business, and go, and do their own thing if they want to.
- DON’T BOTHER ME, I AM DOING MY THING
This might be one of the reason why I don’t like kids, and I think that they are a pain in the butt. Sometimes, when I have been in the middle of doing something, they come around and ask you what you are doing. This is so annoying to me because I am doing what I want to do and I don’t want anybody to bother me, or have to give explanations to anyone about what I am doing. Having to stop and answer their stupid question with some other stupid answer is a waste of time for me. The worst part is when the mother might be looking to see how I treat their child. I have to put on this act like I really care to explain to this little critter what I am doing. I put on a smile, and I make it look like I am explaining to them what I am doing, but all along I am regretting every moment because it is not their business what I am doing, and I don’t want them to really know this. I just lift my head and look at the mother, so that she thinks that I am really concerned about her little one, but in reality if I could get rid of them, I would.
There is no room in my own world to share anything that I have learned with some kid that isn’t even mine. I didn’t decide to bring them into this world, and for sure, it is not my responsibility to teach them anything that I don’t want to teach them. It is the responsibility of the parents, and not mine. My parents didn’t teach me anything, so why should I teach others that are not even mine? I guess it comes with the territory that sometimes I have decided to go out and check out knowing that I would not be totally happy with this situation. Some women have not had the pleasure of having kids of their own, and this is just perfect for me because she can dedicate her full attention on me, while before maybe her full attention was to her friends, relatives, or her husband.
Sorry to say but most women that I have met have their own set of kids that they are still raising because I am not that old, and neither are they because they are sometimes younger than me, but sometimes they are not. They have to share their attention with me, and their kids; and I don’t play second fiddle to anyone regardless of how hot they are or how much they are worth. This becomes an issue sometimes because they have to make some decisions that will affect the relationship that they have with their kids, but mostly they will always choose me over them. This is the way it has to be, and even though sometimes they do somethings behind my back, the shit hits the fan when I find out, and I make them feel so bad that they did this that from that point on they will swear to never do this again.
I don’t use physical abuse as my means to accomplish what I want because I could get into trouble by doing this, but mental abuse works best in these particular situations. Words hurt more than the sharpest sword, but they leave no physical mark. When I am concentrating on my next move, I want to be left alone, so that I can think of all possible scenarios, so that when I go into action I have all my bases covered. To get distracted from my thoughts could mean that I might leave some stone unturned, and then trouble might be brewing just around the corner that I am not being made aware of.
My time is my time; and I don’t want it to be shared with anyone. Even when I am with some other people I could also just be in my own little world because my outer motions might not show what my inner ones are thinking or planning.
- I LOVE TO PLANT SEEDS OF HATE, NOT LOVE
You might feel that something is wrong with this saying, but this is my philosophy, and it has worked very well with what my intentions are in this life. Most people can go out and plant seeds of love. This comes natural for them and it makes them feel like they are doing something good for others. For me, it is a different story. I am not like anyone else, and I don’t want to follow anybody’s lead. I want to create my own trail, and I don’t want to walk in anyone’s footsteps.
I was raised in a family that I didn’t like how things were being done. I was always waiting for the opportunity to go out on my own, but was never prepared to confront the responsibilities involved by doing this. I would have had to go out and find a decent job that would provide me with the financial means to be able to pay for the expenses that this move would have caused. I would have had to do my own things, and not have them done for me. I would have had to decide about what to do with my life and with whom I would want to share my life with. I wasn’t ever prepared to do this. I just wanted to have things come my way without having to do much to accomplish this. Even though I think that my parents did love me, I didn’t feel the same way towards them. I didn’t agree with a lot of things that they had done, and I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes that they had made. Planting seeds of hate seemed to have worked quite well for my purposes. I didn’t know much about what love was all about, because that meant that I would have had to share something with someone else.
Since I didn’t want to do this, I had to choose the alternative. I felt more comfortable doing this, and this is why I chose to do this, instead of planting seeds of love. I just don’t like to plant seeds of hate, but love it. I love to see what kind of plant they will produce. I enjoy feeling like I have been part of this creation; that I had something to do with separating instead of uniting; bringing hatred instead of love into a relationship. I loved to just stand back and enjoy the show knowing that I had been a big part of all of this happening between people that maybe, once had some love for each other.
This sort of manipulation turned me on. It made me feel that I was accomplishing something. It made others that thought that I was not going to be able to accomplish nothing in my life, have to close their mouths, and bite their tongues. I had helped create this, and sometimes I also felt like god that could do whatever I wanted to do with people’s feelings, and I would never be accused of having something to do with all of this, because I purposely remained in the shadows, and let others be the center of attention. This was better than being a player in the game, even though I was playing the game.
I was using the feelings that each had for each other to be able to receive the satisfaction of having broken up these relationships that I despised. I didn’t want to see people getting along with each other. I was bored by seeing each other show their love and affection, and I wanted to see some actions that would turn me on. Seeing how people were willing to hurt each other not just with words but with actions gave me the satisfaction that I always craved.
Knowing that because of me this was all happening gave me this power that others did not have over people. It came to me without my having done much and the benefits of this is something I can’t explain with words. Unless you have been responsible for having done this before to others, you will not be able to understand what I have just said.
- I AM LIVING IN MY OWN WORLD
I know that there are other people living on this world with me, but I am living in my own separate world and still making others think that I am living in this one. I act like I know what the purpose of this life is all about, but in reality it is much different than what others think. I might decide to agree with what others are saying, but in reality deep inside, I know better than they know.
My little world is what I have created. I feel that I am the only one living there. I am comfortable with this. I feel at ease, and since I am the only one there, then I don’t have to share it with anyone. This is what truly makes me happy: Doing my own thing. It is not that difficult to do. I will share some secrets, so that you can try them sometimes, and see for yourself that it is not as difficult as it seems.
The first thing that one needs to realize is that even though your body has to live together with other human beings on this earth, your inner self can be someplace else. People that are looking at you might think that you are listening to what they are saying, but in reality you could be thinking about something else. They can’t read your mind, and they don’t really know if you are really there or not. You can make them think that you really care about what they are saying to you, but in reality you don’t have to care. They might think that when you are talking to them that your words that are coming out of your mouth are the ones that they need to hear, but in reality they could just be words that don’t have any meaning to you. You are just telling them what they want to hear, but in reality you don’t care if they help them or not with their issues. They could just be hot air that make you look good and that you truly care about their feelings.
This is living in your own world. You don’t have to care about anybody, except yourself. You don’t have to feel anything for others. You can just do what others want you to do just because this will provide you with what you are looking for. If others tell you something, you can listen to what they have to say, but you don’t have to do anything about what they recommend you to do. You can just do your own thing. You can always use the excuse that you took their advice, but decided to try something different. You can always say that you forgot about what they had told you, and this will work every time. You can apologize, but in reality you are not sorry for what you did. You can improvise on the other steps that one needs to do and see if one thing works better than others. You can make your own rules because you are creating your own world to live in. You outer actions don’t have to demonstrate what you are feeling on the inside. Since you only have to please yourself, then that is pretty easy to accomplish. You only have yourself and don’t have to worry about others that you want to live with. You are in your own world and don’t want to let anyone be part of it.
It is easier to fool some people because most people only want to believe what they see with their human eyes, even though they might feel something different. Since most don’t want to create waves they will go along with your plan because they don’t want to row against the current. Very few want to truly discover the “real” you, so you don’t have to worry too much about that. The ones that see the “real” you are the ones that have been eliminated from this group of people that you are associating with, because they are considered the trouble makers. They have been dealt with by others, so that you don’t have to worry about them.
- I DID NOT GO TO SCHOOL TO LEARN THIS
Can one imagine having a class in school on how to become a deceiver, or a manipulator, or a predator? Probably everyone and their dog would sign up for this class just to learn a few tricks or two. You learn all of these other things in school that most of the time you don’t even use. You can also learn how to become more spiritual or work with your hands more, but the really interesting things in this life, you don’t learn while you are in school. One could have as teachers those that have been considered to be masters in the fields that they will be teaching.
Just like when one goes to a school that teaches martial arts and have all of these people wearing different colors of belts that they earn. It would probably be difficult to have many men and women sign up to become teachers. The reason being is that we don’t want to divulge our tricks or our methods. We want to have this knowledge kept secret, or otherwise what benefits would we receive by divulging to others things that nobody has taught us, and we had to learn them ourselves by living them. Nobody taught us what we had to learn on our own by just jumping in the water, and hoping that we would not drown.
The money that a teacher would be paid is not enough to satisfy our cravings. We would have to stop doing what we were doing to satisfy our inner cravings, and by divulging our secrets to others, this would mean that now there would be more competition out there for all of us. We would alert others to our tactics and they would be on the alert, so as to spot one of us as we would come into their lives. Teaching others what one enjoys doing is one thing, but this is not about something that we would want to brag about. How to deceive others and take advantage of their good intentions only to benefit our own needs is not something that somebody would want to write about and put their name on this book. This would expose who you really are; and what techniques you use to satisfy your needs.
Exposing oneself, so that others would get to know the “real” you is not worth the publicity or the money. You can’t take any of these things with you, but having not let anyone know the “real” you is something that would be worth taking with you to the grave. Being buried with you so that it will never be discovered is something that gives one so much inner satisfaction, that it is difficult to describe. Since it would not be too difficult for students to sign up for this class, the problem of finding a teacher willing to teach the techniques would be something else.
Fame and fortune is not what we seek, the most and getting someone to spill the beans would be something difficult to find. If someone dared write a book, then that would be different because anybody could teach the class because they would just have to follow the guidelines written in this book. Then, one could just come up with the idea that it would not be necessary to have someone just teach this class in a classroom.
One could just buy the book and follow the guidelines, and then they could be their own master of deceit, and not have anybody know about it because they would not have to go to a school to learn this. In the privacy of their own home, they could just read this book and apply its teachings on somebody, and if it works, then one is off and running. One could try these techniques on just a couple of people or just go all out and do this full time, and see what benefits one can receive from its teachings.
If only somebody would come up with this idea, then this system could be shared with a lot of people. This world could become a better place for some of us to live in, and we could accomplish our goals much quicker.
- “NO” IS THE WORD THAT I NEVER WANT TO HEAR
You might be thinking how this can be possible, and I will just tell you how I have been able to accomplish this. When someone asks a question, there is the possibility that the answer might be “yes”, or “no”, or “maybe”, or other responses. The simple solution to this would be that one should never have to ask a question. One can ask something without having to have asked a question. One can just insinuate something by just looking at someone. By just standing there looking like one wants to ask a question but doesn’t really ask one. One also needs to know what question to ask if there does come a time to ask one.
The reason why for me hearing this word so difficult is because this means that someone has some control over me. This means that I want needs to be put on hold until another time or maybe I can’t have what I know that I want. This simple word does a lot of damage to my self-esteem, and this why I don’t want to hear this word. I have had to hear this word many times when I was much younger; and I promised myself to try to never have this word said to me again. So far I have accomplished this, and will continue to use this same strategy, so that I don’t have to have anybody say this word to me again. You might think that this is ridiculous because in this life one will always have to be prepared to hear this word. We can’t always get what we want, so this is just the way it is.
For me, this is different because since I consider myself to be a master deceiver, these same rules shouldn’t apply to me. I need to come up with ways to not have this happen to me. I do things that others would not even consider doing. I walk away clean from any situation that others just can’t do this. Just like a master chef cooks differently than a regular common cook, this also applies to me. I am not just an amateur manipulator and deceiver because I have been doing this for years and with so many people, that I have lost count. I don’t have any remorse, and am always looking for new things to try out on my victims. Sometimes, I do repeat the same things that have worked for me in the past, but I have learned that one must continue to always improve their techniques, so that one will never be caught using the same methods used before. This would also cause one to relax and feel comfortable, and this would mean that the excitement would vanish of always being one step ahead of the game.
This does not mean that I always want to hear the word “yes” all of the time. In reality, I don’t want to hear any word but come to a point where the other person gets to know my needs so well that they will just do what I want them to do without asking for it. Facial expressions and other body motions should be sufficient to communicate to others what really makes me feel happy. This is what this whole game is all about, and when someone is playing with me, then they need to sense what my needs are. I don’t always need to tell them what they are. In the beginning maybe, this has to be done, but I would prefer for them to find out for themselves. This works quite well because this means that they feel that they are not doing this because I asked them to do it, but because they wanted to do these things for me. This leaves me off the hook; and I can always say that I didn’t ask for the things that they gave or did for me.
This works magic because they have to agree with what I have just said, and it makes them want to keep doing what they have doing for me. They feel free, but in reality, I have them right where I want them to be, and I know who really is in control of this situation. Now you know my secret of not having to hear this word said to me anymore.
- I THINK THAT I WAS THE CAUSE OF A COUPLE OF MEN ENDING THEIR LIVES
If I have never gone back and tried to fix anything, or see how things continued you might be wondering how I might be thinking this. I don’t know this for sure, but I have this gut feeling that this did happen to some of the men in these women’s lives. Whether they were just boyfriends or even husbands, I can assure you that when I came in the picture, they were being pushed out of it quite quickly. I provided these women with all of the things that they had longed for that their current relationship did not. Whatever they wanted from me, I was willing to give to them. Whether it was companionship, conversation, romantic relationships, or just maybe, to have a man around the house, I was there to satisfy their needs.
Even though most of my actions were superficial, at least they could see that someone was supposedly there to be available to them 24/7. This is all they really cared about; and I was there to please their desires because this meant that I would get what I wanted from them. If I was there for them, then they for sure would be there for me. The men that were continuously being pushed out of the picture must have felt betrayed to have maybe given so much, and then they were being treated this way. That these women had forgotten so quickly what they had done for them, and so easily exchanged one human being for another. They were probably wondering what magical wand I had up my sleeve, and couldn’t figure out why these women would even give me the time of day. What they didn’t know did hurt them. They thought that maybe, I was the most romantic person in this world, and this was not the case. Maybe, my outer actions demonstrated this, but my inner feelings were not there to accompanying these actions.
Maybe, they thought that my wisdom was far beyond this world, and that I had the capability of saying the right words at the right time. This was true, but they were not said for the right reasons, and for me, they were just words. There were no feelings behind them. They were just words; so that my purpose would be accomplished. This must have driven a few men nuts trying to figure out what I was doing to them. This must have caused many to have some sleepless nights, or maybe to even decide to start some sort of addiction, so that their minds could stop trying to figure out what I was truly doing to them. They would never be able to find this out because I was always being very cautious to not divulge my true intentions to anyone. I might have caused a few to feel alone; and in despair of having completely lost any hope of things being like they were before.
Like I have said before, maybe when these men started to see their world starting to collapse, and they had not control over it, then they could have decided that it was not worth living any more. They didn’t want to see their empire being torn apart by some stranger that had come into their lives. They couldn’t handle the disappointment of having failed to be able to put back together their marriage or their relationship with this person. They must have felt that they were a failure in this life. To have lost this to some stranger that had come from nowhere. Most did not find out what was really happening until a few years later because I made sure that my relationship with this person was kept secret for as long as possible, so that I felt secure about our connection. I didn’t want it to be just a one night stand type of relationship because they have caused too many problems, and have produced very few benefits. There had to be some sort of bonding, so that it could hold strong when the storm would arrive. I needed to feel secure that regardless of what would come that I would not be betrayed, and that their loyalty to me was not going to be broken.
In every war, there must be winners and losers, and I, for sure, wanted to be the one that was going to get what I wanted to accomplish.
- I WAS NEVER INTERESTED IN FINDING A JOB THAT WOULD PROVIDE ME WITH MY NECESSITIES BECAUSE I KNEW THAT MY SHIP WAS GOING TO ARRIVE
I don’t really know how I knew this from a very early age. Even though it seemed that I would miss that boat each time it came in, I knew that someday I would be there waiting for it, and it would be my turn to hop on it and never get off. The problem was that sometimes, it would arrive, and it would not let you know that it was there waiting for you to hop on. Once, I found out the secret, then I could look out for the signs of its coming, and this time be ready for it to arrive.
When I was checking out the territory trying to find my next prey, I started to stop looking at just how they acted, and started to look at how they presented themselves physically. I started to look to see what type of clothes they had on, how their hair was done, and how much jewelry they wore. Most of the time, this would demonstrate to me what their material worth might be. Then, I would check out what kind of car they would be driving, and what kind of friends they would associate with, and see if they all were trying to compete with each other. A couple of times, I even followed them home to complete the package when I would be able to see where they lived at, and what kind of house it was. When I was able to see this whole picture, I knew what I wanted, and who I wanted it from. From that point on, I knew that my ship had arrived.
I had to act cautiously, and I won’t get into any details of how I did this. What I wanted, I got. How I got it, didn’t matter anymore. What was most important is that I got it, and that is all that mattered to me. Why does one need to find a decent job that will provide them with their needs if something else is served to them on a silver platter? Once you find out the formula, then you can never go back to being the way you were before. They say that electricity follows the path of least resistance, and humans most of the time will do the same. Most of my friend’s parents have all worked many years trying to live the American Dream only to find out that when they found it, truly it was just a dream. I didn’t want to go searching for a dream, but truly find reality.
What was real for me was what I wanted out of life, and that is all that mattered to me. You only live once, and then it is over, so you might as well enjoy what somebody is willing to give to you free of charge. You can’t refuse a gift given to you by someone that maybe, even has some feelings for you. I didn’t want to burst their bubble, so I did what was the right thing to do, and that was to accept their generosity.
You also need to realize that if one has to maintain a decent job, then it will require a certain amount of time that you could be spending doing things for someone else. You could be taking care of somebody’s needs, and be there whenever they wanted you to be at their service. If I had to worry about maintaining a job, then I could not be doing what I was doing. I would have to split my time between several responsibilities; and this is maybe how their previous relationships ran into troubled waters. Maybe, their husbands didn’t pay attention to them anymore. Maybe, they needed to concentrate more on their jobs, so that they could provide what the family needed most in material things. Maybe, what was missing was the connection that was created when their lives were simpler, and they had more time to do things together. I didn’t want history to repeat itself with regards to my relationship with them.
- I MADE IT EASIER FOR WIDOWS TO GET OVER QUICKER THE MOURNING OF THEIR DECEASED HUSBANDS
You might be thinking what I did to make this happen. You might think that I didn’t care about what had happened to their deceased husbands. In the first place, it is not my responsibility to know what happened to them, or how they died. I have met women that were mourning, and didn’t know what direction to go. They felt lost, and didn’t know how they were going to survive this. I comforted them, told them that everything was going to be okay, and that I would not leave them alone to handle this by themselves.
I did keep my promise, but once I knew that, they could stand on their own two feet, then I would start to plan my exit strategy. I didn’t want them to use me as their crutch, and have to always lean on me for advice, or help, or companionship. I would also comfort them by saying that it was not their fault that this happened to them, even though maybe sometimes, they had a lot to do with their deaths. If need be I would tell them how fortunate they were to have had these men in their lives; and in other situations I would tell them that they were lucky that they had passed away. Some had been part of an abusive relationship for many years; and they felt this relief, and I was there to give them what they needed the most.
Some had a beautiful relationship, but then as time went by it turned sour, and I needed to be careful of what to do with these women. They maybe still felt a love for their husbands, but then they also felt this hate towards them of why things turned out to be this way. I had to be careful, so that this hatred didn’t come my way. I could have been part of the blame for some of the things that had happened between them, but it was not all my fault. I maybe turned up the heat a little, instead of just letting the relationship simmer for a while. I was never the cause, but I was probably the gasoline that lets a fire get out of control.
My way of smothering them with whatever was missing from their relationship would always work its charm. Since I have had this way of being very flexible and accommodating to their needs, I never had an issue with letting me come into their lives quicker than most people would have considered it to be appropriate. They say that there should be a time period for mourning the death of a loved one, but with me the rule book got thrown out the door. Mourning periods that maybe should have lasted months, or even years would be put on the fast track to only last maybe a few days, or just a few months, or sometimes a few hours.
I would always comfort them, so that they didn’t feel guilty about how quickly they got over the mourning period. I would always use the excuse that life is short, and that one needed to squeeze as much juice out of each day, because one didn’t know what would happen tomorrow. This worked its magic all of the time because they would take off their mourning clothes, and put on their “enjoying” life ones. They would take off their mourning mask, and replace it by the one that would show their true colors. Maybe some people didn’t like what was going on, but they would just look the other way, and wait for some sort of justice to be done.
This justice would never arrive which proved that what I thought about this life was really true, and that one is the master of their own destiny. This proved that I was right, and everybody else was wrong. I always knew this, and now I had found out that this was true.
- I AM SUCH A GOOD LIAR
I am not just one that doesn’t tell the truth or sort of tells some lies. I am a very good at lying. The reason why I picked this word to describe me is because a liar means one that tells lies. Simple and sweet? Not really. The definition of a lie is more like I am. A lie is a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive. Here is the word that best describes my actions. I feel so comfortable when this word describes me. I am such a good deceiver which makes me a good liar. I am proud of this fact, and I wouldn’t change the way I am for nothing in this world. I feel so comfortable when words just come automatically out of my mouth that are totally untrue. They just flow without my even trying to think about what I am going to say. One could say that it is easier to tell the truth, but for me it is the opposite. I think that I have forgotten how to tell the truth. This would mean that I would have to expose my intentions, and my “real” purposes and this would mean the end of my “game”.
I call it a game because one team has to win, and another has to lose even though in the end it could finish with a tie. This is not just any ordinary game, but a playoff and this would mean that even if one has to go into overtime, this tie should be broken. I must win, and others must lose. There can’t be two winners. To be able to accomplish this, then one must say and do whatever one needs to, so that there is not possibility of someone else being the winner. They made a movie called Liar, Liar in which a lawyer had to not tell any lies for 24 hours. I should make a movie called Truth, Truth in which a person can’t tell any truths for 24 hours. I would certainly be the one that would have to star in this movie, and I would be the one to take the first prize. They say that to cover up a lie, one must keep lying, but by telling the truth, then one doesn’t have to.
I have this simple philosophy, and it has worked quite well for me. What is the difference with one telling the truth and telling a lie? They say that knowing the truth will set you free, but sometimes, it can be quite painful or sad. Telling a lie can also set you free, and one can manipulate what one wants to say to another, so that it will not be so painful or sad. Which is better? For me, personally it is better to lie because I have seen the faces of my victims when they hear what they want to hear and , they will feel relieved, and happy even though it is a lie. They are believing what they want to believe in and they are content. The Jews that were told to take their clothes off, and go into another room to take a shower didn’t feel fear, but felt calm that everything was going to be okay. Everything in the end was going to be okay, but it didn’t come the way they thought it would come. I am not justifying my actions, but they have worked very well for me, and I don’t plan on changing the way I have handled the situations that were presented to me.
Being such a good liar makes one say the right things that another person wants to hear. This is also caring about their feelings because one doesn’t want to hurt them intentionally. They have already been hurt by others, and I don’t want to do the same as others have done to them. You might not agree with some of the things that I have said here, but this is my belief. Sometimes, one can’t solve everybody’s problems by telling them the truth, so I have adopted to use the strategy of telling lies, so that at least they might get some comfort even though it might be temporary, and only for a short time. I am the breath of fresh air that they were looking for.
- I SHOW SOME OF WHO I REALLY AM WHEN I LOSE CONTROL
I do have a real problem that I need to learn to control. When I get hot headed and don’t think about what I am going to say is when some of who I really am starts to show. I can’t help this because the one thing that I can’t stand is when somebody pushes my wrong buttons. They don’t have to be words said towards me, but maybe learning that a particular person is out there to uncover who I really am. This has happened with a couple of jealous husbands that discovered that I was being brought into the picture, and they were gradually being taken out of it.
For some reason, they caught on to me, and they focused on telling others about what I was really intending to do. This stirred up my temper, and I couldn’t just let them uncover my scheme. I would fight back by hiding behind the one that I was having a relationship with. I couldn’t go just out there, and have a confrontation with them. I would probably certainly have lost this confrontation, and then this would have been the end of the game that I was playing behind everybody’s back. I could not let this happen to me because I would have had to come up with sort of explanation, and I am not good at doing that.
I am good at putting up a smoke screen, but not good at telling the truth about myself and my real intentions. For others, this might come easy but for me that I have been doing this for such a long time, I would not know where to start. I need to admit that when the timing was right and with the right kind of person, I did lose some control. They had to be the type that I was made aware that they had a soft heart or that they were cowards. That they would not just come, and kick my ass, or punch me out, or get rid of me. They had to be the ones that would just turn the other cheek, and wait for true justice to be served.
The ones that had the patience to wait and see how things would pan out, and unfortunately for them, they were the ones that would lose out because of their lack of actions. They were the ones that lost their faith, their desire to continue to live, and also their desire to fight any more. They would then give in to the demands of the person that I was having a relationship with. They would just go away with their head bowed down, and feeling defeated by the words that I had said and my actions. I could do anything with them that I felt that I needed to do because I knew that they would not come back, and have a direct confrontation with me. I would hide behind the one that was willing to defend me at all cost. This is where I would feel most comfortable. This was my specialty. Plant seeds of hate, instead of love. Having somebody else do my dirty work, and clean up after me. I still have not showed all of who I really am. I have only showed some, and that is plenty for anyone to know about me.
I can’t expose myself totally to anyone because this would mean that they could come in, and clean up the mess that is inside of me. I might look clean on the inside, but I don’t want to look inside of me, and see what is in there. I just want to continue forward, concentrate on what my eyes can see, not have to look back, and see what I have left behind. This is another rule that I must never break because I might be surprised; and I don’t like surprises. I just want simple things. Things get too hot in the kitchen, it is time to move on. Things get too complicate, time to move on. I start to have feelings for another person, time to move on. Others start to discover the “real” me, time to move on. There is no more juice to squeeze out of the one that I am having a relationship with, time to move on.
This is my purpose, and this is my motto.
- I LEARNED THE MOST WHEN I MET MY MATCH
I might as well end these stories about my experiences by making a confession. Don’t worry, it isn’t what you are thinking it is. I am not repenting of all the things that I have done in my life so far. Like I have stated before, I didn’t learn the things that I got to know by going to some school. Most were hit and misses. A couple of times, my relationships were with women that showed me a few tricks of the trade. I don’t know how they learned them, but I realized that I had met my match. They knew more about deceit than I had ever learned before. They taught me how to go along with the game, and never show their true colors. They were out to get what they wanted from somebody, and they didn’t stop until they got it. They wanted fame and fortune, and to put on a good show so that the rest of the world would be jealous of them.
I don’t know why they chose to do this, and weren’t concerned about who they needed to bring down while they were trying to accomplish this. I thought that I knew everything there was to know, but these women showed me some things that left my mouth wide open a few times with no words to say. They didn’t show me these things with words, but with actions. I would see them go after these men that they had squeezed all the juice out of them, and they still were not satisfied with just moving on. They wouldn’t just divorce them, but wouldn’t stop until they were satisfied with their fill.
Even animals when they have eaten all that they can eat will share with others what is left over. It seemed that these women would never have their fill. They would put on their act like they were the victims, sometimes if this would accomplish their goals. Sometimes, they would be in charge of the show, so that it would go as planned. I don’t know if they were always this way because when I came into the scene, they were at the top of their game. They still had not accomplished what they needed to have in their lives to feel complete, but they had thrown out the book of rules, and were redoing it as they went along trying to reach their goals. They say that the first man Adam was created out of the dust of the earth, and that Eve was created from something that Adam had. This meant that she would cling to him, and support him, but some of these women must have had a sex change because they felt that the men should cling to them, and when they had enough they would just discard them, and move on.
Some moved on to find another sucker as I would call them, but most would just stay married to them, and see how much they could squeeze out of them. Some used me to accomplish this, and it worked very well, and I just went along for the ride. I learned so much seeing these women weave their web like a spider does, and then when the time was right to go and suck everything, the other person had and leave them dry. They would play with their emotions and feelings; and didn’t care how the other person felt.
Don’t get me wrong, they probably didn’t do this out of hate for them, but because this was the only way that they could get what they wanted out of life. There probably aren’t that many women out there that are this way, but just a few of them can create a lot of damage. I needed to give credit where credit was due because in some things, I feel the need to be honest, and this is why in these chapters I have tried to accomplish this.
I didn’t do this to help others learn my tricks, but just to tell a few stories of mine that would not have been told if this book would not have been written. Don’t judge me for what I have said, but simply accept that I am who I am, and nobody will be able to change me.